I just felt a wave of loneliness...

I really love my flat. And I really love the peace and quiet of it. Usually. But somehow I can't enjoy it lately. Usually I'd sit here now with a glass of wine and soft music, enjoying just being on my own. This was actually the reason why I didn't want Alex-kun to move in with me, because I sorta enjoyed this too much. But I no longer do... I want to enjoy it again. ó_ò

What I don't understand about myself is the way I get to know people. I start talking with them so easily. Today I was in class for 2 hours and already met 4 new people. But it all doesn't mean anything. I don't care for them, I don't want to get to know them and I don't want to tell them about me. I don't trust them. I'm sure they're nice, but they just aren't kindred souls.

I crave this feeling of meeting someone special... when you can spend hours with them and you don't think for a second about going back to your lair and finding peace. When I met Alex-kun I was basically like that. I would follow her wherever she went, even if I actually had planned to do something else. I'd drive an hour to meet her at 10 PM, just to sit with her at the doorsteps to our university and chat about our stories. She skipped her classes for me and I for her... We both skipped Japanese together and took a nap in the park, we slept underneath our secret temple and talked about all sorts of things endlessly...

I miss her...

I'm officially insane...

Went to the counsellor today. I need therapy. Surprise. She said I'm suicidal and she's concerned about me. Of course she said other things, too. It was okay, I guess. I thought it was interesting how she extracted all the necessary information out of me within a matter of minutes. She made me cry and made me strip my soul to the core. I think she'll help... let's see what'll come from it... *sighs*

I just don't know... she said a therapy will tie me a year or two to a certain place. I'm not sure if I can make that at this point of my life... I had planned to go to the USA. Ack... but I can't go on like that. I need help... good Lord. Decisions. How I hate them.

Well, I'll be meeting her again in two week.. oh no... it seems like such a terrible long time...

Hehe, cool quote...

From 'Camelot', Arthur and Lancelot:

"It's... the custom! Gathering flowers!"
"KNIGHTS GATHERING FLOWERS????"
"Well, someone's got to do it!!"

(no subject)

Merlin:
"Thinking is a habit you should get into regularily. Thinking helps with everything."