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Apr. 25th, 2001
Beautiful...
Apr. 25th, 2001 05:24 pmA storm is coming. Clouds have covered the sky and the is gently washing over the landscape. There's a tree in front of my window and the wind is angrily tearing at its branches and yet it's only softly swaying in the wind... I like a weather like that. I've lit a candle and made myself some tea. Wrapped up in a blanket I can look outside through this huge window out to the world. I feel like an spectator not involved. It's a nice feeling...
I'm more peaceful now. Not sure if that's a good thing. Tomorrow I'm going to see the counsellor and I guess I should avoid feeling too good. But then again... it'll all work out eventually.
My head still hurts. I think I've caught another sinusitis. Damn... I had a headache this morning... it nearly killed me. I thought my head was going to explode and I was so dizzy that I had to grab for the foot of the bed to stabilize me. This sucks... I wanted to stay in bed, but I couldn't possibly. You can't miss classes on the first day. I'd lose my seat then. Darn... *takes a deep breath*
So, I'm on yet another med. Which requires eating 30 mins. after taking it. Bleh... I don't feel like eating at all. Maybe I should buy some of this ready-made paste you can get for losing weight. You know? That'll make you feel full. Maybe I could take this in place of eating. I don't like eating. I don't like sleep either. I'd like to switch off the need of it.
I hate it how my Mom always gives me the feeling that my problems are my own fault. It starts with really trivial things, like when I have a spot or something. Then she manages to make me actually feel ashamed for it, as if it was my fault that this spot appeared right there! And when I whined to her today on the phone that I think I've got a sinusitis, her first question was "How the hell did you get that again??" T_T
It's really difficult. And then people wonder why I can't tell her about my mental problems. I don't want to know what she'd say about that one...
Well...
I'm more peaceful now. Not sure if that's a good thing. Tomorrow I'm going to see the counsellor and I guess I should avoid feeling too good. But then again... it'll all work out eventually.
My head still hurts. I think I've caught another sinusitis. Damn... I had a headache this morning... it nearly killed me. I thought my head was going to explode and I was so dizzy that I had to grab for the foot of the bed to stabilize me. This sucks... I wanted to stay in bed, but I couldn't possibly. You can't miss classes on the first day. I'd lose my seat then. Darn... *takes a deep breath*
So, I'm on yet another med. Which requires eating 30 mins. after taking it. Bleh... I don't feel like eating at all. Maybe I should buy some of this ready-made paste you can get for losing weight. You know? That'll make you feel full. Maybe I could take this in place of eating. I don't like eating. I don't like sleep either. I'd like to switch off the need of it.
I hate it how my Mom always gives me the feeling that my problems are my own fault. It starts with really trivial things, like when I have a spot or something. Then she manages to make me actually feel ashamed for it, as if it was my fault that this spot appeared right there! And when I whined to her today on the phone that I think I've got a sinusitis, her first question was "How the hell did you get that again??" T_T
It's really difficult. And then people wonder why I can't tell her about my mental problems. I don't want to know what she'd say about that one...
Well...
The dude I work with, no, not the bishi-twin, but the other one... he just disappeared! He didn't come to work this week and when we tried to call him he didn't answer the phone... I just hope he's okay... ó_ò He's really a nice guy. I'd hate to see him hurt...
