I just felt a wave of loneliness...

[silversolitaire]

I really love my flat. And I really love the peace and quiet of it. Usually. But somehow I can't enjoy it lately. Usually I'd sit here now with a glass of wine and soft music, enjoying just being on my own. This was actually the reason why I didn't want Alex-kun to move in with me, because I sorta enjoyed this too much. But I no longer do... I want to enjoy it again. ó_ò

What I don't understand about myself is the way I get to know people. I start talking with them so easily. Today I was in class for 2 hours and already met 4 new people. But it all doesn't mean anything. I don't care for them, I don't want to get to know them and I don't want to tell them about me. I don't trust them. I'm sure they're nice, but they just aren't kindred souls.

I crave this feeling of meeting someone special... when you can spend hours with them and you don't think for a second about going back to your lair and finding peace. When I met Alex-kun I was basically like that. I would follow her wherever she went, even if I actually had planned to do something else. I'd drive an hour to meet her at 10 PM, just to sit with her at the doorsteps to our university and chat about our stories. She skipped her classes for me and I for her... We both skipped Japanese together and took a nap in the park, we slept underneath our secret temple and talked about all sorts of things endlessly...

I miss her...

Comments

[starla9.livejournal.com]

Waves of loneliness...I felt one of those today too. But not for anyone in particular...I don't have anyone to miss, really! I know what you mean about meeting people--when they're nice, great people probably...but you just don't care, because you can't feel that connection you long for with them. Some days that oh-so-elusive special connection is the only thing that can satisfy you...those days suck. :-)