silversolitaire

There's one thing that's very weird about me. Well, more than one thing, but I'm thinking about one in particular right now. It's the fact that I get extremely, hugely excited over things, looking forward for them for days, weeks, months, and then when it's finally there I savor it and soak it up and am totally happy... and then it just goes poof. I hate that very much. The height from which I plummet every fucking time something is nice. Just once I wish I could ride on the high just a little bit longer.

Naturally, I was hugely excited about Torchwood. I mean, I've been waiting for this moment for an entire year, basically. And I was full of hope and dreams, I had confidence in it being awesome. I didn't fear they'd sink my ship. I didn't fear canon would start sucking. I was just looking forward to it. Then the episode aired yesterday and I couldn't watch it right away of course since I'd made the deal to watch it with Kris. I agonized all night over it, hardly getting any sleep.

Then finally, in the evening, I got to watch it. And it was awesome! It was... let's say a 8 out of 10, at least. It probably would have been a 9 if we had gotten some Jack/Ianto snogging right away and a 10 if they had dealt with Jack's return properly and a bit more emotionally other than Gwen bitching him out. But it was fine, really! I was squeey and happy and excited... and then it just evaporated :(.

Now I'm sitting here, feeling empty. This sucks. I should be all happy, shouldn't I. The series isn't even over yet. Still tons of eps to look forward to. And yet... blankness. Also, I find myself get annoyed with everyone in a way. See, I'm a tolerant shipper. Or no, I'm not, but it's something TW has taught me, really. You can ship anyone, they're all possible in a way, and no ship is worth more than the other. I've learnt to tolerate that. Other ships are no threat for mine and it's nice to see them coexist.

However, I notice this annoying tendency of TW ships putting down other ships. I guess it's because Jack/Ianto is relatively popular it gets the brunt of that, but it annoys me. People going to great lengths to explain why Ianto is so horrible and why he should never have remained on the team, how Jack can't possibly care for Ianto and it's obviously just sex, if at all, since it's not really all that clear blablabla. Heard all the shit. And now? Now they're all putting down the "ask for date" scene of course.

Clearly, since the scene was followed that Jack/Gwen scene it must be that Jack is only rebounding! Right? Grrrrr! It annoys the hell out of me. I'm willing to accept that the scene was very J/G shippy and I don't mind. I never want TW to become the Jack/Ianto Loveboat where they live happily ever after. I'd probably lose interest in no time since I hardly ever ship the canon m/m couples for some weird reason. So I'm cool with it. You can interpret it any way you like.

Even though I will admit that I thought it was a bit OOC for Jack to suddenly throw a hissyfit at Gwen's engagement ring. I mean, in series 1 we've always been shown how Jack thought it was important that Gwen remains in her relationship with Rhys, have a life outside of TW etc. So why would he suddenly mind? And what the fuck was that with "Cause no one else will have me"?? Gwen isn't that bad a catch! So, I do have my qualms with it... BUT! I accept that Jack cares deeply for Gwen. No problems there!

So why oh why do people need to spin this in such a direction? Can't we just coexist happily next to each other please? *sighs* So yeah, that frustrated me. Annoyed me. Did anyone say "Oh yeah, clearly Jack was so shaken during the ring scene because he'd just seen Ianto earlier and remembered how it was to be separated from him!" or stuff like that? No! Very annoying.

Okay, but that's just a detail. An annoying one, but still. One thing that comes with age is the tranquility to just step way from fandom crap like that (although I do feel the need to choke a couple of bitches on the JB-ML occasionally).

Another thing that pissed me off were people discussing on another ML whether one should read fics by non-native speakers. The way they were talking about it made it sound like those people write poorly per default. Funny, the most atrocious fics I've read were written by native speakers, but wha'ever. Annoying people.

Okay, I think I've just ranted myself empty. Now only the pain remains in just about every limb I own. And there's really nothing I can do since I shouldn't overdo it on the medication. So, I just need to suck it, I suppose. Blah.

I'm also feeling extremely guilty for not having all of Collateral all perfectly ready by now. I really tried, but the illness in between just really didn't help and now I feel like a traitor and a loser, making everyone hate me and lose all faith in WIPs forever. I know I'm dramatizing here, but I can't help it. And at the same time, I'm trying so hard and yet I just can't manage that amazing leap of sudden story finishing, you know? Very frustrating. I just hope people won't be too upset with me. I'm really trying.

Of course it didn't help either that I was watching TW and basically went D:!!!! the entire time since one by one things I've put into my fic popped up there. I mean of course I was there first and this is exactly why I made it a point to post before it airs because I know myself. Right now, I'm feeling utterly demoralized and uncreative. Like I can't come up with a single creative idea of my own apparently. I'm spending months agonizing over plot ideas and twists and then it becomes canon within 45 mins. So frustrating...

Oh, the pain...

Ending on a completely different note... today at the kiosk the person restocking the shelves had sorted all the candy by rainbow. That made my heart laugh a little bit...

I thought he was really good in this one, addressing gay rights issues and the like, talking about his commitment to Scott and how he doesn't conform to gay clichées. So I'm reposting it here to keep! :3

Torchwood's John Barrowman
The star of the racy new Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood opens up to WHO

Posted Jul. 05, 2007
BY ANNETTE DASEY

The star of the racy new Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood opens up about the new sci-fi show, signing the civil register with his partner, architect Scott Gill, working with the 'saucy' Rob Lowe and his passion for gay rights.

( rest of the interview )

Randomly, I think it has come to this... I need a John Barrowman icon... *nods serenely*

I think by now everyone's agreed that the episode pretty much sucked. I don't even feel the urge to rewatch it because it was just a messy load of copycat themes borrowed from all over the place. And I can't help but feel embarrassed au lieu John Barrowman for banging the drum so much beforehand, saying a gasp will go through Britain at the final revelation and it will be so shocking and OMG! I think that gasp probably rather was one of "... WTF?!?"

( spoilers, I guess )

I'm conducting a little poll to see what people's posting preference is in regards to long fics and WIPs.

[Poll #999406]

Those of you guys who are interested in this probably already have seen it so I won't bother and try to dig up a link I can post for it. I just wanted to post my observations though.

1) I already said that about the first time I've seen an "animated" version of Martha Jones, I'm just glad she seems so much better there than on that one promotional picture that had been floating around the net for months before. You know, the one with the haughty look, weirdo hair and purple leather jacket. Hated that one. Still do. Anyway, she seems pretty cool in reality so yay for that. Also, she's very pretty. I've never quite liked Rose, TBH, and I'm glad to have gotten rid of her and I've never liked the way she looked. There, I said it. You can lynch me now *g*. But Martha appeals to like all my preferences in a female. So yay! *g*

2) ... I need to watch the trailer again, I lost my train of thought, hahaha. I know, it's a tough job but someone's gotta do it. Ah yes, yay for Daleks! Of course that was to be expected, but still. I wuvs them so. In general there are a bunch of really freaky monsters in this trailer. Like what's with this... God, I can't even describe it properly. But it looks awful! And then there are these piggy things and in the other trailer there were more of those cat people. Is this the season of the furries? XD Bobba Fett is there, too, I see XD;.

3) 50 quids say the "Family of Blood" are vampires. About time they pop up in the new series. Fanfic already is full of them!

4) The dude who's "going to perform a miracle" is the guy from League of Gentlemen! W00t! Man, I miss that show... I should get it on DVD one of these days ;-;. The third series or so was fantastic. But I digress.

5) About in the middle of the trailer you see this couple go AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Is it just me or do they look like a spoof of American Gothic? XD I bet they are!

6) The Doctor getting married? The Doctor not being the Doctor? Ooooh so many mysteries! Can't wait! :D I do hate Martha's rather bitchy "What!" though...

7) The Doctor is getting all possessive about his companion again. "I'm not gonna lose her", "LET HER GO!!!!!!!" and all that Jazz. It's good to see that coming back. I'd hate it if the entire series was one big emo-fest about losing Rose.

8) Looks like there's going to be a Moulin Rouge episode or so. Yay! Hehehe...

9) And of course... Jack! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! XD

10) 10 more quids say that grinning fool in front of the Big Ben is this Saxon dude. The again, he's pretty young, considering his posters are already all over the place in 1941 in Torchwood. Then again, that doesn't say anything in this reality, does it. Oh wait, is that John Simm? I've never watched Life on Mars, so I can't recognize his face yet. Interesting...

Yeah, I made some more movie poster spoofs. They're over there in case you're interested!

Finally I got two spiffy Torchwood icons! I've been meaning to do that for a while now X3. I mean, those two caps basically were begging for it, weren't they? haha...



Now I just need some more good ideas...

Also, I'm a bit annoyed. I made this awesome awesome monochrome picture of Ianto holding the gun and then I accidentally saved when I iconified it and now I can't recover it anymore! >.<; I wanted to make a wallpaper of it... *sobs* Oh well... maybe it'll be even better the second time around... siiiiiiiigh.

(Edited to add another one...)

I'm currently working on my next entry for the hw_fest and I haaaaaaaaate it. I mean, I didn't really like Days of Grace either, but in the end I warmed to it. Right now, I'm not liking this one. I guess I'm just not cut out for fluffy, funny, short stuff. I always feel like I'm doing a half-assed job. But what can I do. I just hope I can whip it into shape anyhow.

Speaking of the hw_fest, what's going on with that anyway?? I mean, there hardly aren't any posts right now. It also upsets me that all my prompts haven't been done yet (even though they were claimed) and I get the feeling people are just going to not write it. I've never participated in such a thing so I really wonder what the usual return rate is. Either the fest is going to get swamped near the end or a lot of people just never write the prompts they claimed.

Personally, I feel a moral obligation towards completing my prompts (even though I seriously think I was on drugs or something when I claimed those!). I know someone out there is looking forward to them (hopefully) and I don't want to disappoint. One I simply have to finish because it was a very popular prompt and if I don't do it I would have taken someone else's spot who probably would have written it gladly. So, not good. The other no one else has claimed and I aim to deliver. So, my hands are tied!

However, since I realize I suck when I try to write a fic in one week I don't think I'll manage in time. So, I need to see how I can manage that. I have finally conceived a plot for the ghost fic (thanks to Kris), but I get the feeling it's going to take longer x.x. We'll see. I don't have high hopes for finishing this before the end of the fest. Especially since it's winter holiday now and that means bro is back from college (and sick), so he's camping out in the living room, always watching TV and basically stealing my main writing time. Very annoying.

I'm still flirting with the idea of writing a Torchwood fic, but I don't think I will. I don't have the characters down yet, really, and I don't know the fandom yet. I'm not a very social person and new places make me nervous. Not to mention the fact that my bestest writing buddy Kris isn't interested in Torchwood and it's such a bleak and lonely place without her! hehehe

I think I've established my writing speed. I guess I can write between 1000 and 2000 words a day, depending on my mood. I guess it could be faster but I really have never written more than maaaaybe 3000 words a day and that was a very rare occasion. I envy people who just churn out the stories like nothing. I wonder how they do it. It's not just the speed with which they write, I guess. I tend to sit on my stories for a long time usually before publishing them. If I think of all the unpublished onces sitting on my hard drive I could weep... wah. This is probably why fests are a good thing. Forces you to release the stuff already! hehehe...