(no subject)

[silversolitaire]

I'm not feeling very well right now... like suffocating. Why always on tuesdays... I've got this very strong urge to do something drastic. Just... something. In the last days I felt the desire to die several times again. Of course I don't mean suicide. But... I wouldn't mind to just fade away. It's a strong craving. I hope it leaves soon...

Today at my job they were talking about SI and I got so angry. They didn't understand it a bit. They thought it was just a trendy and cool thing to do and everybody who does it basically is just copying someone else and striking a cool pose. Made me so unspeakably angry. I wanted to roll up my sleeves and show them my scars and tell them that I am 22 and I don't know anybody else in person who does this too and I've been doing this for such a long time and only now became aware of what I'm doing and I meant it every fucking time and I don't think it's cool or great or anything and I only wish somebody would finally notice how bad I'm feeling...

But nobody understands... nobody ever understands....

On a lighter note, I think I'll start my novel at last. I've prepared it long enough and upon reading Margaret Atwood's Edible Woman I got the final spark, I guess. That's nice... I just hope I'll remember the fevor once all this is over....

Comments

Re: Hi!!

[lee7.livejournal.com]

Okay, lets think rational for one moment....Death, to sleep, to travel to a place where everything is peaceful and nice....to just close my eyes and walk into the light....and so on. Okay, most of this stuff was righten by people who are LIVING. When was the last time a dead person wrote something nice and romantic about death. Sooooo rational thinking, everything we know about the otherside is made up of our own hopes and dreams. What happens when we dei and we don't like it there either? Do I want to die again?

Silver, what are you trying to escape from, what is so bad in your world?
(I mean this all nicely)
:-)