(no subject)

[silversolitaire]

I'm not feeling very well right now... like suffocating. Why always on tuesdays... I've got this very strong urge to do something drastic. Just... something. In the last days I felt the desire to die several times again. Of course I don't mean suicide. But... I wouldn't mind to just fade away. It's a strong craving. I hope it leaves soon...

Today at my job they were talking about SI and I got so angry. They didn't understand it a bit. They thought it was just a trendy and cool thing to do and everybody who does it basically is just copying someone else and striking a cool pose. Made me so unspeakably angry. I wanted to roll up my sleeves and show them my scars and tell them that I am 22 and I don't know anybody else in person who does this too and I've been doing this for such a long time and only now became aware of what I'm doing and I meant it every fucking time and I don't think it's cool or great or anything and I only wish somebody would finally notice how bad I'm feeling...

But nobody understands... nobody ever understands....

On a lighter note, I think I'll start my novel at last. I've prepared it long enough and upon reading Margaret Atwood's Edible Woman I got the final spark, I guess. That's nice... I just hope I'll remember the fevor once all this is over....

Comments

To thine own self be true.

[kily.livejournal.com]

Paranoia gets to us, and we always say we are alone... but it is entirely possible that someone else sitting in that workplace was thinking the same thing as you during that conversation. We are adept at hiding things.
Hang in there, and keep trying. And, if you write it, I would love to see your novel.

--Kily