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Sep. 3rd, 2001
He's doing it right again.
Sep. 3rd, 2001 11:49 amSo, I've hardly slept all night. Worrying about my dad, having nightmares and realizing that whatever it is that's troubling him, it results in that he doesn't give a shit about getting the DSL thing straightened out. We haven't even ordered the modems yet. I no longer have flatrate and I'm going crazy. I don't know how I'm going to make it. Honestly. And just when I managed to take my mind off all this shit finally, he comes in, still not telling me what's going on, and says casually that with the whole bunch of problems we're having right now, the DSL is the least of his concerns. As if I didn't know. But still he has to rub it into me.
I'll be damned if I ask again, only to get cryptic answers. I don't give a fucking shit anymore. Fuck them all. I'll even stop giving a fuck about whether we have to pay by the minute or not! Yeah! If he doesn't move his ass, *fuck him*. I'll just be online as much as I ever was and he can bitch about the bill later on for all I care. I've reached my limits and now entered the state of no longer giving a fuck about what's happening and what's going on.
It just makes me all so sick. I wish I had more money. Then I could be gone. Long gone. I'm tired of all this. Sometimes I wonder if I'm hating MY life or THEIR life... Because, as long as my girlfriend was here, life seemed to be a little less dull than usual. I'm just tired...
I'll be damned if I ask again, only to get cryptic answers. I don't give a fucking shit anymore. Fuck them all. I'll even stop giving a fuck about whether we have to pay by the minute or not! Yeah! If he doesn't move his ass, *fuck him*. I'll just be online as much as I ever was and he can bitch about the bill later on for all I care. I've reached my limits and now entered the state of no longer giving a fuck about what's happening and what's going on.
It just makes me all so sick. I wish I had more money. Then I could be gone. Long gone. I'm tired of all this. Sometimes I wonder if I'm hating MY life or THEIR life... Because, as long as my girlfriend was here, life seemed to be a little less dull than usual. I'm just tired...
Dear Dad...
Sep. 3rd, 2001 12:07 pm... I'm very sorry that you're problems are SO HUGE that you can't even tell your children. I'm very sorry that I actually realized something is wrong. Even though you don't really make an effort to hide that you're feeling bad, you still don't want us to ask.
Bad move.
FYI, if you really don't want to talk about things, hide your feelings WELL. That way, you can be gay, depressed and suicidal and your parents don't even have a clue. Oh, I'm digressing. Back to your huge problems.
I sincerely hope you get them sorted out and it won't eat you up inside and make you just as sick as I feel right now. Have fun with your problems. I realize mine must be petty and meaningless in comparison to yours, but you must forgive me: without knowing what exactly is going on, I can only dwell on my own.
Sincerely, your daughter.
Bad move.
FYI, if you really don't want to talk about things, hide your feelings WELL. That way, you can be gay, depressed and suicidal and your parents don't even have a clue. Oh, I'm digressing. Back to your huge problems.
I sincerely hope you get them sorted out and it won't eat you up inside and make you just as sick as I feel right now. Have fun with your problems. I realize mine must be petty and meaningless in comparison to yours, but you must forgive me: without knowing what exactly is going on, I can only dwell on my own.
Sincerely, your daughter.
I love my mom...
Sep. 3rd, 2001 09:43 pmI wish she wouldn't hurt so much. My dad is a fucking hypocrit, it makes me sick to think about him. I can't believe I looked up to him. I always knew that apart from a fre exceptions, all men are pigs. And now I'm distraught to find that my dad isn't one of the exception...