Feb. 20th, 2001

silversolitaire: (Default)
Guess I should make another entry. Haven't felt too good lately. I'm sick... very sick. Fever and all. I'm weak. And sad. And tired. But I can't sleep. I wish I could write a lot now... but my brain is fried.

ff.net is down. Egroups too. All the lists are silent. Nobody feedbacked on my story, probably because of that. I'm sad...

I'm reading "The Dreyfus Affair". It's fun, I like it, but I hate the fact that the author always fades out when they characters are having sex. Just because they're gay? I don't get it. And I'd bet my ass that the author's gay, too. So why? And I'm noticing many mistakes in his writing style that drive me crazy. Does that mean I'm too critical or becoming a better writer? I wish I knew... aw well...

*dazed and confused*
silversolitaire: (Default)
ARGH!

Life is SHIT!!! My mails don't get delivered. All (and I mean ALL) my favorite sites are down. I can't update my homepage, nor go to egroups (well, EX-egroups). My mailserver is down too. I suspect that none of my emails were delivered all day and some of them were really important! :-(

Nobody loves me... I'm feeling really unloved right now. I want to cry all the time. Today I felt like smashing the china. I grabbed the plate so tightly that my knuckles hurt. I'm getting tired of all this... very tired. And I don't even feel like letting blood to make me feel better. I feel like nothing really helps... it's just frustrating. I can't get drunk either because I'm feeling sick. I'm empty and uninspired. I'm a failure... I hate life...

Funny... I should be happy. But I'm not...
silversolitaire: (Default)
Nobody understands me. My girlfriend most of all. It's all about her. And never about me...

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