Life sucks...

[silversolitaire]

I'm hot, bothered and depressed... life sucks. Big time. I just wanted to draw for a bit, but it won't work. Fuck. All I want is a half-decent picture of Jyou, but do you think it's possible to get such a thing in the whole world wide net??? The best I found was so tiny that it was an insult for the eyes. Ah, fuck it all.

I was feeling self-destructive yesterday. Still do. I tucked myself into bed for an hour, shaking and shivering, my fingers itching to do something. Just... something. The feeling of uselessness won't go away. What to do now? Close friends are starting to make me feel dispensable. It's like a sponge that sucks up everything that ever was beautiful in my life. I'll have to start avoiding my friends now, if this doesn't stop. I can't deal with this anymore...

Comments

*hugs*

[isabeau.livejournal.com]

Oh, Silver, love. You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are needed. You are loved.

I know it hurts. I know it's impossible to believe. I know. I've been there. I'm still fighting it, and there are days when it sucks all the energy out of me, when I just want to hide under the bed. And yet--

It does get better. I swear this to you. It will get better -- *you* will get better. Just keep fighting, please. I know it sounds stupid, and I know it feels pointless, but -- please. I care about you, okay? If I weren't across a damn ocean from you I'd come over to you and I'd hug you and I'd help you understand that you *do* have friends -- people who care about you, people who want to help you, people who hurt when you do because you are special to them.

Because you are special to *me*.

Because you are a special person, and I know, if you're anything like me, that right now you don't feel like a person, don't feel human, don't feel like anything more than a lump of worthless slime that doesn't deserve to live. But you aren't, and you *do*, and I will always be here for you. Always.