Oh no, not again...

[silversolitaire]

I want to do it again. I thought I was over it. Well, stupid thought. I guess 2 days was more than enough. Why should I have felt happy and easy for longer? Sure... So it's all there again. I'm bothered and angry, annoyed at people and at life. When they dare to talk to me I want to yell at them. I want my brother to go. Now. I feel worthless, excluded, useless, dispensable. I'm not unique to anybody, or special. I'm just someone. Or rather... nobody. I feel nothing and yet there is pain. I'm tired of it all again. I might just do it. Or not. I want to cause pain, in myself or somebody else. What matters it after all.

I've decided that I will not continue several pieces that I have started to write. They are useless as well. And I'm glad that I didn't do certain things I had planned to for today. What a fool I am...

I hate feeling like this. I'll never be special. How strange that is... life... just a fleeting taste of something I don't understand. I can't control my feelings and this tortures me too. They shall all go away. Everyone of them. It's over... I'm done. I hate people, I hate human relations, I hate it how they make me feel worthless and dispensable. I just wanted to be special... that's all I wanted...

It's too late for that.

Comments

[larean.livejournal.com]

I was in quiet despair and knowing you felt the same way pulled me out of it. You are a worthwhile person. KNOW THAT. Aim to not be appreciated in your own time; the times to come are much, much more impressive.

Grab my hand and hold on.

Amazing...

[ejase.livejournal.com]

I find your words brilliant, disturbing, heartfelt, angry, wondering, wanting, hurting, and trying. I understand the not feeling. I have been there, and am there now. I try to feel more to wonder what I am, it just doesnt come. Whether or not you have meant for me to read and comment on you words, who knows. You dont know me, I dont know you, but I do relate. I hope you dont mind me browsing and commenting. I enjoy it. It brings me a sense of person to know you are there. I guess that makes you special. To me at least, so you got what you wanted. I pray its not to late. Thank you Silver.

[starla9.livejournal.com]

Come back! Please. I love you, dear, and for good reason, whether you believe it or not! *hugs*

[starla9.livejournal.com]

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! *points frantically to poem posted Friday, April 27, 2001*