Oh no, not again...

[silversolitaire]

I want to do it again. I thought I was over it. Well, stupid thought. I guess 2 days was more than enough. Why should I have felt happy and easy for longer? Sure... So it's all there again. I'm bothered and angry, annoyed at people and at life. When they dare to talk to me I want to yell at them. I want my brother to go. Now. I feel worthless, excluded, useless, dispensable. I'm not unique to anybody, or special. I'm just someone. Or rather... nobody. I feel nothing and yet there is pain. I'm tired of it all again. I might just do it. Or not. I want to cause pain, in myself or somebody else. What matters it after all.

I've decided that I will not continue several pieces that I have started to write. They are useless as well. And I'm glad that I didn't do certain things I had planned to for today. What a fool I am...

I hate feeling like this. I'll never be special. How strange that is... life... just a fleeting taste of something I don't understand. I can't control my feelings and this tortures me too. They shall all go away. Everyone of them. It's over... I'm done. I hate people, I hate human relations, I hate it how they make me feel worthless and dispensable. I just wanted to be special... that's all I wanted...

It's too late for that.