Believing in God is so 1997...
Aug. 31st, 2003 01:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silversolitaireThis is sad somehow. I should have known that I can't be part of any religious community. Somehow they're always full of fucktards. I was hoping to be able to find a Unitarian community in my vicinity. But there's none. So I joined a mailing list, but it's not really Unitarian Universalists but rather some group that has developed from reformed protestants into something remotely Unitarian now. But I get the feeling that this is merely a cover-up for... God knows what. Hardly anything they say corresponds with what I believe.
For example, I do believe in God. It's not necessarily the Christian God. As I have often said before, to me God is one. A greater force, a Supreme Being. I merely use the term God for simplification. I also usually use he, just because it's a lot easier that way. I don't need to justify myself for that. I know what I believe. And I also believe in Gods. I believe in Krishna. He feels me with so much love, so much awe and fascination. How could I not? And Jesus, I agree with most of the things he taught. Apollo, Shiva... so many wonderful Gods that I love to look up to. It feels me with incredible spiritual power to think of them, to believe they're actually there and they're powerful and divine.
For the longest time I've tortured myself over it. I've been angsting over the fact whether I've chosen the "right God", been meandering left and right to seek out the spiritual life to make me happy. And then I saw the truth. My personal truth. I realized that it's all just one. Just like Krishna said. People may be worshipping "lower Gods" but their praise all just goes to him and if they receive something from these Gods they in fact receive them through him. Now, I don't think there are any lower Gods, but I rather think there is one unified thing and it takes the shape of the God you choose to worship. I'm so sure of that, I could never abandon this thought. And it makes me so happy, because now I know why I've never been able to decide on just one God.
Now, I don't see why this is wrong. I mean, I KNOW it's not wrong. But people still manage to make me feel bad over it. I've tried to relate my ideas to this list. The discussion was "Comfort". And to me it was clear that only my faith gives me comfort because I feel safe and harbored and I know that I can turn to my God any time I want to and need to. And instead of seeing my point and accepting it, they do their best to disassemble it and ridicule it. I mean, I don't shirk a discussion and I like a critical argumentation, but when I constantly feel like I'm not taken seriously then it just hurts me. Especially since the discussion doesn't take place in English and I just can't express myself this well in another language. Kinda depressing, considering that... oh well. It's just weird, but I can only really discuss my faith in English properly. And these people use so many strange words and long sentences and Latin phrases that I constantly feel like I'm talking to my half-uncle. I feel so stupid! Like a school kid! And I hate this! I'm not stupid! I'm actually quite intelligent and I too know other languages and my fair share of Latin and yet I'm just stunned when a sentences goes on for 20 lines and uses words such as "proselyte", "object fixation" and something about teddybears and Poland. I don't appreciate being made to feel stupid.
So I'm being told that my believing in God (or Gods) actually is an attempt to substitute the teddybear I used to have as a child! I find that so offensive! And yet when I complain I'm being told that I can't take criticism, am not able to have an adult discussion and am acting like a sulky kid. In essence. And that annoys me even more, but when I complain again it only gets worse. Gods and my faith are made out to be a fairytale, stories created by man and it all just infuriates me. I find it so disrespectful! And I don't understand why it's so lame to believe in God? Is that not allowed anymore these days? Do we all have to denounce the believe in something higher than us, something divine? And why is it wrong to try to personify them?
What's even worse is that nobody seems to listen to me. In my post I started out in a similar fashion as I did here. I listed a couple of Gods that fill me with this unspeakable feeling of awe and reverence. And promptly I was stamped the polytheist who uses these Gods to "intoxicate" herself with and performs odd rituals. I've pointed out again and again that they have obviously failed to grasp anything I said, because I have quite clearly stated that I do believe in one singular Supreme Being. But no, instead I'm told that this is a far too dodgy term and not really a term but just some silly idea.
I'm just fed up with it. It's painfully obvious that this isn't a place for me. These people seem to spend their entire day trying to rationalize away the existence of God or any higher force. And I don't want any part in that. I don't want to rid myself of Gods. I want them here, with me. I want to know there's something I can rely on sometimes that isn't human. But apparently modern people don't do that anymore these days. Well, screw you guys, I'm going home.
For example, I do believe in God. It's not necessarily the Christian God. As I have often said before, to me God is one. A greater force, a Supreme Being. I merely use the term God for simplification. I also usually use he, just because it's a lot easier that way. I don't need to justify myself for that. I know what I believe. And I also believe in Gods. I believe in Krishna. He feels me with so much love, so much awe and fascination. How could I not? And Jesus, I agree with most of the things he taught. Apollo, Shiva... so many wonderful Gods that I love to look up to. It feels me with incredible spiritual power to think of them, to believe they're actually there and they're powerful and divine.
For the longest time I've tortured myself over it. I've been angsting over the fact whether I've chosen the "right God", been meandering left and right to seek out the spiritual life to make me happy. And then I saw the truth. My personal truth. I realized that it's all just one. Just like Krishna said. People may be worshipping "lower Gods" but their praise all just goes to him and if they receive something from these Gods they in fact receive them through him. Now, I don't think there are any lower Gods, but I rather think there is one unified thing and it takes the shape of the God you choose to worship. I'm so sure of that, I could never abandon this thought. And it makes me so happy, because now I know why I've never been able to decide on just one God.
Now, I don't see why this is wrong. I mean, I KNOW it's not wrong. But people still manage to make me feel bad over it. I've tried to relate my ideas to this list. The discussion was "Comfort". And to me it was clear that only my faith gives me comfort because I feel safe and harbored and I know that I can turn to my God any time I want to and need to. And instead of seeing my point and accepting it, they do their best to disassemble it and ridicule it. I mean, I don't shirk a discussion and I like a critical argumentation, but when I constantly feel like I'm not taken seriously then it just hurts me. Especially since the discussion doesn't take place in English and I just can't express myself this well in another language. Kinda depressing, considering that... oh well. It's just weird, but I can only really discuss my faith in English properly. And these people use so many strange words and long sentences and Latin phrases that I constantly feel like I'm talking to my half-uncle. I feel so stupid! Like a school kid! And I hate this! I'm not stupid! I'm actually quite intelligent and I too know other languages and my fair share of Latin and yet I'm just stunned when a sentences goes on for 20 lines and uses words such as "proselyte", "object fixation" and something about teddybears and Poland. I don't appreciate being made to feel stupid.
So I'm being told that my believing in God (or Gods) actually is an attempt to substitute the teddybear I used to have as a child! I find that so offensive! And yet when I complain I'm being told that I can't take criticism, am not able to have an adult discussion and am acting like a sulky kid. In essence. And that annoys me even more, but when I complain again it only gets worse. Gods and my faith are made out to be a fairytale, stories created by man and it all just infuriates me. I find it so disrespectful! And I don't understand why it's so lame to believe in God? Is that not allowed anymore these days? Do we all have to denounce the believe in something higher than us, something divine? And why is it wrong to try to personify them?
What's even worse is that nobody seems to listen to me. In my post I started out in a similar fashion as I did here. I listed a couple of Gods that fill me with this unspeakable feeling of awe and reverence. And promptly I was stamped the polytheist who uses these Gods to "intoxicate" herself with and performs odd rituals. I've pointed out again and again that they have obviously failed to grasp anything I said, because I have quite clearly stated that I do believe in one singular Supreme Being. But no, instead I'm told that this is a far too dodgy term and not really a term but just some silly idea.
I'm just fed up with it. It's painfully obvious that this isn't a place for me. These people seem to spend their entire day trying to rationalize away the existence of God or any higher force. And I don't want any part in that. I don't want to rid myself of Gods. I want them here, with me. I want to know there's something I can rely on sometimes that isn't human. But apparently modern people don't do that anymore these days. Well, screw you guys, I'm going home.
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I am with you, Hon
Date: 2003-08-31 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-31 10:48 am (UTC)know exactly what you mean. i find it hard to believe that there's one "right" religion; i think most religions are worshiping the same God, and by circumstances or birth, people end up following one religon or another. it's not like someone says, "i'm going to be born Buddhist, or i'm going to be born into shaminism". it seems like most people don't ever actually make the decision to follow one faith or another; but they're all so ready to condem everyone who follows another faith. people should say what's right for themselves, but it bothers me when people try to force what they think is right on to others.
I agree! Screw them!
Date: 2003-08-31 06:57 pm (UTC)Just stick your tongue out at them & walk away, your a much more intellgent person then they could ever hope to be
no subject
Date: 2003-08-31 09:56 pm (UTC)Never let someone make you feel bad about your beliefs. I think it's great you have found your own religious ideas and beliefs and that they make you feel safe and loved, and that they fill you with awe. they are just jealous becuase after years and years of practicing, they probably don't have even half of what you have found.
religions feed off of religions, have for a long time. there are so many similarities you can find between them all if you just look. the problem is most people don't want to hear that the 'others' that they thought were wrong and going to hell (or whatever depending on the beliefs) actually have similar beliefs or practices to their own. They just want to be right.
Everyone has their own ideals and beliefs, whether its being a staunch sect of christianity, or mish mash from different religions with maybe a strong tie to one in particular (like myself). But never let someone tell you that what you think or believe is wrong.
you should just start your own community or mailing list, and run it the way you keep looking for in other communities or mailing lists. u might be surprised with how many people would agree with you.