What I'd say to myself...
Feb. 27th, 2003 05:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silversolitaireSince I saw this at someone else's journal before it went poof and I thought it was a curious mind exercise.
So here's mine.
What I'd say to my 12 year old self:
Assuming they want me to tell my 12 yo self something I know better now, I have no reason to tell it that I hate it. As a matter of fact, I'd have a lot of important things to tell it. Most importantly, I would tell my 12 yo self: do not listen to what your so called friends are telling you. Of all the people who are trying to change you perhaps 2 really mean well. And I'd tell this 12 yo "You can do everything you want to do. Just go out and do it." And I'd hug this 12 yo, because I know for myself that at 12 I wasn't nearly as fucked up as I was later. NOW I'm not as fucked up as I was 2 years ago.
I guess the best thing to tell your younger self is what mistakes you should seriously have avoided. And come to think of it, I know of no serious mistakes that I made AND should have avoided. Because no matter how grave the consequences of my mistakes have been, no matter how much it still influences my life now, I wouldn't want to avoid those mistakes, because they contributed to making me become this person that I am right now. Every failure along my way was good because it led me to be who I am now.
A clear example springs to mind: dating this first boyfriend who gave me a couple of very serious issues along the way. Even though in retrospective I probably could do without those, I still learnt a valuable lesson through this time. I learnt what I want from life, what I want from love, and most importantly, what I don't want. It helped me recognize then perfect mate as soon as this mate crossed my path. I think that is worth so many mistakes made.
This only serious mistake I can think of, that'd I'd really like to be undone, is getting estranged with X. Letting him slip away is one of the greatest regrets in my life and I can never undo this mistake. It really bothers me...
Hm, this is interesting actually. Let's see...
What I'd say to my 15 year old self:
You may feel popular now because you've lost a lot of weight and the "cool" people invite you to parties, but hurting your best friend because of them isn't worth it at all. You should be ashamed of youself.
What I'd say to my 17 year old self:
Not the first person to be nice to you is worth your love. Not everyone who shares your opinions and is as strange as you are is your soul mate.
What I'd say to my 20 year old self:
You can do it! You're off to Freedom Road now and right now you've got possiblities ahead of you like you never will again! Pick the right minors! Or maybe insist on studying graphic design. You'll really like it later on.
What I'd say to my 22 year old self:
Do you really think all this self-destructiveness is getting you anywhere? Do you think you're cool, or artsy, or exotic? You're not. You're just another fucked up teenager who isn't even a teen by definition anymore. Get a grip and move your ass. And stop cutting, those scars are never going to go away.
What I'd say to my 23 year old self:
Keep going. You're going good... But what did I tell you about moving your ass?? And call up X... really...
Ah... that was cleansing! ^_^
So here's mine.
What I'd say to my 12 year old self:
Assuming they want me to tell my 12 yo self something I know better now, I have no reason to tell it that I hate it. As a matter of fact, I'd have a lot of important things to tell it. Most importantly, I would tell my 12 yo self: do not listen to what your so called friends are telling you. Of all the people who are trying to change you perhaps 2 really mean well. And I'd tell this 12 yo "You can do everything you want to do. Just go out and do it." And I'd hug this 12 yo, because I know for myself that at 12 I wasn't nearly as fucked up as I was later. NOW I'm not as fucked up as I was 2 years ago.
I guess the best thing to tell your younger self is what mistakes you should seriously have avoided. And come to think of it, I know of no serious mistakes that I made AND should have avoided. Because no matter how grave the consequences of my mistakes have been, no matter how much it still influences my life now, I wouldn't want to avoid those mistakes, because they contributed to making me become this person that I am right now. Every failure along my way was good because it led me to be who I am now.
A clear example springs to mind: dating this first boyfriend who gave me a couple of very serious issues along the way. Even though in retrospective I probably could do without those, I still learnt a valuable lesson through this time. I learnt what I want from life, what I want from love, and most importantly, what I don't want. It helped me recognize then perfect mate as soon as this mate crossed my path. I think that is worth so many mistakes made.
This only serious mistake I can think of, that'd I'd really like to be undone, is getting estranged with X. Letting him slip away is one of the greatest regrets in my life and I can never undo this mistake. It really bothers me...
Hm, this is interesting actually. Let's see...
What I'd say to my 15 year old self:
You may feel popular now because you've lost a lot of weight and the "cool" people invite you to parties, but hurting your best friend because of them isn't worth it at all. You should be ashamed of youself.
What I'd say to my 17 year old self:
Not the first person to be nice to you is worth your love. Not everyone who shares your opinions and is as strange as you are is your soul mate.
What I'd say to my 20 year old self:
You can do it! You're off to Freedom Road now and right now you've got possiblities ahead of you like you never will again! Pick the right minors! Or maybe insist on studying graphic design. You'll really like it later on.
What I'd say to my 22 year old self:
Do you really think all this self-destructiveness is getting you anywhere? Do you think you're cool, or artsy, or exotic? You're not. You're just another fucked up teenager who isn't even a teen by definition anymore. Get a grip and move your ass. And stop cutting, those scars are never going to go away.
What I'd say to my 23 year old self:
Keep going. You're going good... But what did I tell you about moving your ass?? And call up X... really...
Ah... that was cleansing! ^_^
