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Sep. 30th, 2000 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silversolitaireAnother morning, another day. Morning? Oh well... I know it's 12:30, but hey, I went to bed at 4:30 AM. I'm not sleeping excessively long, I've just shifted my time schedule ^_~.
Needless to say, I'm feeling better now. I always do after a fit of depression. Then I want to delete everything I wrote the night, but I told myself not to do it. That wouldn't be genuine anymore.
After a bout of depression I'm always feeling so full of energy. As if a knot was dissolving and the juices can float freely at last. That's what happened yesterday, too. At the peak of despair, all came back into place again. I received nice feedback for my story and two of my best friends logged in on ICQ and we had a nice conversation. I was asked to write a scene for a book we are planning together and I actually sat down to write it right after I disconnected and I think it turned out really good. So, I guess one could say, it was a fruitful night.
Unfortunately I have so much real life stuff to do ยด_`:... I don't want to. I don't want to write my paper and I don't want to study for my Japanese exam. *sad sigh* I want to live like this forever, write and paint and just be happy. But that's exactly the crux of the matter. I will never go on just being happy. Not me. No matter how wonderful and peachy things are, the black cat will jump at my back again and it will press me down, cold and heavy. And I'll feel desperate and sad. I cannot force my muse. I never could and I never will. These are the occasions that show me that I have to be able to do something else, should Thalia leave for good....
Ah, that was on a sadder note. But no, my mood is far too brilliant right now to let this spoil it. I know I have to do something RL-ish later on, but I'll try not to think about it. And I'll continue in my search for inspiration, so I can remain happy.
Needless to say, I'm feeling better now. I always do after a fit of depression. Then I want to delete everything I wrote the night, but I told myself not to do it. That wouldn't be genuine anymore.
After a bout of depression I'm always feeling so full of energy. As if a knot was dissolving and the juices can float freely at last. That's what happened yesterday, too. At the peak of despair, all came back into place again. I received nice feedback for my story and two of my best friends logged in on ICQ and we had a nice conversation. I was asked to write a scene for a book we are planning together and I actually sat down to write it right after I disconnected and I think it turned out really good. So, I guess one could say, it was a fruitful night.
Unfortunately I have so much real life stuff to do ยด_`:... I don't want to. I don't want to write my paper and I don't want to study for my Japanese exam. *sad sigh* I want to live like this forever, write and paint and just be happy. But that's exactly the crux of the matter. I will never go on just being happy. Not me. No matter how wonderful and peachy things are, the black cat will jump at my back again and it will press me down, cold and heavy. And I'll feel desperate and sad. I cannot force my muse. I never could and I never will. These are the occasions that show me that I have to be able to do something else, should Thalia leave for good....
Ah, that was on a sadder note. But no, my mood is far too brilliant right now to let this spoil it. I know I have to do something RL-ish later on, but I'll try not to think about it. And I'll continue in my search for inspiration, so I can remain happy.
