(no subject)

[silversolitaire]

I hate friendship. I hate liking people and then feeling bad when they are gone. I wish I'd never started liking people at all. I hate it when they leave, when they don't need me anymore. I hate feeling excluded and lonely. I wish I could just detach from everything... cut it all off. Rip out those feelings...

What is it with me. Why do I become boring to people...

Comments

*hugs*

[isabeau.livejournal.com]

It may sound trite, but don't think it's you. I think it's just, people get lazy, or drift apart, or find other interests, or whatever -- or, in some cases, never really were compatible, just had a dual illusion of friendship. I don't talk to any of my high school friends any more, and it's not because I don't like them, not like I would walk past them ignoring attempts at communication, it's just that we've gone to different places now, done different things, walked in different circles. Most of my friends from college, I still consider them friends, but we don't talk all that much any more, which is perhaps mostly my fault because I suck at email correspondence. People that I knew from the net five years ago, even *one* year ago, that I thought I'd be friends with forever, I don't talk to much any more.

Um, and this has gone on rather of a tangent, hasn't it?

Anyway -- I know where you are, because I've been there. Sometimes I've even dug myself a nice little hole to there, figuring, hey, if everyone hates me, then everyone hates me, and I might as well cut off my current friends before they ditch me. Only...you *do* have friends (at least one *grin*), and I know it hurts sometimes, sometimes unbearably, but you have friends and they can help you get through this.

And trust me, it's incredibly lonely not letting yourself attach to anything...

*hugs*

thank you...

[silversolitaire.livejournal.com]

Hey Isabeau,

thank you for your comments. I know you're right. But still... it hurts. I don't like to be disappointed and it always makes me regret that I became attached to people in the first place. That causes depressions and I really don't need that right now... *sighs*

I think I need a new friend. Nothing's more stimulating than the rush of a new acquaintance. I just have to watch out that I don't become too attached...

Silver :-)