This makes me ill...

[silversolitaire]

I keep hearing every day how tight money is right now and that we can't afford anything yadda-yadda. How I hate that! It's only us they tell it all the time, to explain why we don't get things. On the other hand, money's still there for my mom to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day (which adds up to $ 200 a month, too!) and my dad to cause a huge bill on the mobile with his girlfriend and him driving about with his new car all the time. I'm just waiting for the moment when they tell me that we won't get much (read: anything) for Christmas this year. Again. I'm getting used to it, really. I only wish we'd quit the hypocritical shit then. I mean, why even bother to pretend like there was a huge distribution of presents when there are none? I'd rather have us all get a little seasonal, sing a few carols, have a meal and quit the whole shit. If they make us sit down in front of the Christmas tree again to reveal one or two stupid presents that they obviously just bought the other day in the supermarket, then I just can't keep myself from being disappointed, even though I was expecting it. It'll just be my childhood memories emerging, remember how grand Christmas used to be when I was a child. And now?

It just sucks... so, another Christmas where I'll be close to tears and hate everything. I should have left again. When I was with my gf I was at least with someone who genuinely cared, even though we were sitting in front of a tiny plastic Christmas tree and all I got was a Slytherin mug. At least I could feel that it was selected by someone who knew me and cared for me. Not just anything that's labeled "Buy me, I'm a Christmas present."

I don't know... am I expecting too much? Am I ungrateful? I probably am... but I can't help feeling sad at each Christmas. Or birthday, for that matter...

Comments

[gareon.livejournal.com]

christmas is all downhill after age 12.