Well...

[silversolitaire]

Feeling sick, sad and depressed again. This sucks. I'm tired of it all. I still get these very destructive tendencies. I want to push people who hurt me far far away. So far that I don't have to see them anymore and I can forget about them. I find it scary, how easily I can grow to hate someone... And go back to love again. Perhaps. It's a constant up and down, methinks, and it's easy to push me into one direction. Most of the time, I avoid people, I guess. I'm still anxious whenever I'm on the train, because I fear I might meet Alex. A blonde haired woman, and my heart stops and I hide. Isn't that strange? As much as I want to see her, I fear it all the same...

Nico wants to tell me that I am strong because I feel so weak and want to kill myself all the time and yet don't do it. I don't know... *sighs*

Ah well...