(no subject)

[silversolitaire]

Damn, I couldn't update my journal for days! Wonder what was wrong. Right now I'm not feeling too well. Didn't feel well the last days. The depression's getting me again. Damn... Maybe it's the holiday season. I'm lonely. Very lonely. My flat is too quiet and my friend are all gone off to celebrate. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. We don't even have a tradition for that! So, I'm just miserable. I want this to stop... It's getting worse by the minute. Maybe I should just get drunk... Damn, damn, damn... I need to see that shrink at last. But I don't want that Lithium again. I don't want to grow fat, I don't want to become a nervous wrack. There must be other ways to fight depressions.

I haven't cut myself for weeks now... I shouldn't have talked about it. I'm lusting again. Damn, damn, damn...

I've read a bit of "Queen of the Damned". For some strange reason, I like the Daniel/Armand bit best. And I thought I wouldn't like Daniel. Maybe I won't, once he's a vampire. But now I like it. I like it that he's dying. I want to be dying, too, sometimes. Hm, that sounds bad now. But it's not. I'm not suicidal. But I imagine it to be beautifully peaceful... like Daniel. Floating through the air, lost in space and time, feverish hot, your heart beat faltering, cool hands that hold you, touch your face, lips that kiss your eyes as you're fading away. Wonderful... the blood... out of your body, brilliantly red, stream of life, heart beat heavy and slow...

NO! I must stop thinking that! I'll get some wine now. This has to stop...

Comments

other ways to fight depression

[clare.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this will help you, but I'm currently on Paxil to treat my depression and it works rather well.