Something funny

Some authentic excerpts from the radio between aircraft pilots and the airport tower:

Tower: To avoid noise please correct your course by 45°.
Pilot: How much noise could we possibly cause in 10k altitude?
Tower: Perhaps the sound of your 707 colliding with the 727!

Tower: Is your aircraft an Airbus 320 or a 340?
Pilot: A 340 of course!
Tower: Then try starting the other two engines, too.

Pilot: Good morning, Bratislava!
Tower: Good morning. FYI, this is Vienna
Pilot: We're about to initiate landing procedure at Bratislava Airport.
Tower: This really is Vienna, trust me.
Pilot: Vienna?
Tower: Yes.
Pilot: But why?!? We're supposed to go to Bratislava!
Tower: Okay, then abort landing and try flying a bit more to the left!

Tower (to a pilot after a particularily hard landing): No need to make a secret out of landing. The passengers got a right to know they've arrived, eh?
Pilot: Don't worry, they always applaud anyway.

Pilot of an Alitalia aircraft [who lost half of his controls after being struck by lighting]: Nothing works! Everything failed! I can't even read the altitude control anymore!
[after five minutes of whining the pilot of another aircraft interrupts] Shut up and die like a man!

Pilot: A landing light is burning.
Tower: I sure hope there should be more of them!
Pilot: I mean... like... it's smoking!

Pilot: We're in urgent need for fuel. Waiting for instructions.
Tower: What's your position, I can't see you on the radar.
Tower: We're on Lane 2 and we've been waiting for the tank car for ages!

Tower: You're in trouble?
Pilot: We lost our compass.
Tower: Judging by the way you're flying I'd say you've lost all your controls.

Pilot: Asking permission to land.
Tower: We can't find you on the flight plan, sorry. Where were you supposed to go?
Pilot: Salzburg, like every Monday.
Tower: ... But today is Tuesday.
Pilot: Tuesday?!? But we're off on Tuesday!

Tower: Height and position?
Pilot: Uhm... 6'3", left seat.

Tower [to private jet]: Who is on board?
Pilot: Two passengers and a dog.
Tower [after hard landing]: I assume the dog was flying?

Tower: Do you have enough fuel, or what?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what?
Pilot: Yes Sir!!!!!!

Tower: Requesting time of arrival.
Pilot: Hmm.... Tuesday would be nice.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US AirForce pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto land very rough."
Solution: "Auto land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "Propeller 2 seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "Propeller2 seepage normal."
Problem #2: "Propellers 1, 3 and 4 lack normal seepage."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick ."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

This is the only post you'll see of me mentioning I'm reading OotP (which I've been doing all along)

Also, it's completely spoiler-free and page-noting-free. In fact, it has nothing at all to do with the book!

Why am I posting? Because something funny happened today. I went to work and was greeted by Alexander, another student working with me. I have often amused you before with tales of him and me bickering, but all in all I enjoy talking to him grately because he's got a great mind and it's nice to share opinions with him. So, while we sat there next to each other, he suddenly turned to me and said "No matter what you do, don't you dare say anything about Harry Potter to me!" Knowing that he had read all the books and that he enjoyed them I figured it wasn't because he was sick and tired of it. So I asked why and he said, "Because you'll spoil me! I bet you've read it already!" And I said "Hell no! I've been waiting for so long for this damn book! I won't rush through it!" He groaned and said "Man! And I've been reading all night yesterday so I'd be finished, since I wanted to discuss it with you! But I couldn't manage!" We both laughed then he asked me where I was. I said the page number and he stared and said "Hey! I'm there too!" and we both said the chapter title. Then we laughed more and then chatted for the rest of the day about everything we had read so far ^_^. That was very nice.

That's all I wanted to share.