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Confessions of a Justified Sinner
Feb. 3rd, 2001 02:15 amI just returned from a party. My eyes are full of smudged make-up, they burn from the cigarette smoke and I am dizzy with champagne and beer. What a mixture. I looked dazzling tonight, if I may say so. I wore golden make-up on my eyes and a beautiful glittery brown top with matching jacket and red brown pants. I really liked the way I looked, but somehow I couldn't enjoy myself really. I felt so out of place. I've realized a couple of things about me this night.
1. My French sucks.
*grins* I tried to talk to a French guy and realized that I forgot way too much. I need to refresh it soon.
2. I'm too old.
There used to be a time when at least this annual party was the biggest event in my life. I'd dress up nicely and have fun with my friends, dance the night away... My friends aren't here anymore. I am not here anymore. I am a sociophobe now. I'm smarter than them, I'm older than them, I'm profounder than them. I just felt out of place.
3. This place is too small for me.
I was standing in the middle of the hall, gazing up to the ceiling. I stretched my arms and thought I could touch the walls. I thought I knew every single person of those 2.000 present, thought I had heard every song, thought I had seen every gesture. I was longing for the big city again. I wanted to be back at my place.
4. There are too many straight people out there.
I felt literally defeated by heterosexuality in this stupid town. No matter where you turned, straight couples everywhere, kissing and groping each other. They annoyed me, but I almost felt as if I had to get just any guy around here just to be adjusted. I realized that if I had been interested in dating girls while I was still living here, I would have been very very sad. Not one gay chick out there. It's miserable.
Well, that's pretty much all I have to say today. I didn't read Jane Eyre although I should have. I finished The Edible Woman (finally!) and enjoyed it a lot. I wish I could draw a comic about it. I really like Duncan. I want to write a letter to Margaret Atwood and I have to remember to post the one I've already written to Michael Feinstein and didn't deliever when I was at his bar in NY. I should have finished Burning Together already weeks ago, but I've got a writer's block. :-(
It's snowing...
1. My French sucks.
*grins* I tried to talk to a French guy and realized that I forgot way too much. I need to refresh it soon.
2. I'm too old.
There used to be a time when at least this annual party was the biggest event in my life. I'd dress up nicely and have fun with my friends, dance the night away... My friends aren't here anymore. I am not here anymore. I am a sociophobe now. I'm smarter than them, I'm older than them, I'm profounder than them. I just felt out of place.
3. This place is too small for me.
I was standing in the middle of the hall, gazing up to the ceiling. I stretched my arms and thought I could touch the walls. I thought I knew every single person of those 2.000 present, thought I had heard every song, thought I had seen every gesture. I was longing for the big city again. I wanted to be back at my place.
4. There are too many straight people out there.
I felt literally defeated by heterosexuality in this stupid town. No matter where you turned, straight couples everywhere, kissing and groping each other. They annoyed me, but I almost felt as if I had to get just any guy around here just to be adjusted. I realized that if I had been interested in dating girls while I was still living here, I would have been very very sad. Not one gay chick out there. It's miserable.
Well, that's pretty much all I have to say today. I didn't read Jane Eyre although I should have. I finished The Edible Woman (finally!) and enjoyed it a lot. I wish I could draw a comic about it. I really like Duncan. I want to write a letter to Margaret Atwood and I have to remember to post the one I've already written to Michael Feinstein and didn't deliever when I was at his bar in NY. I should have finished Burning Together already weeks ago, but I've got a writer's block. :-(
It's snowing...
