reflection on love/friendship
Sep. 1st, 2001 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silversolitaireSometimes I wonder why I tend to grow so cold towards people that have turned their backs on me. I really don't understand it. A friend that doesn't call me anymore... I won't call back and I will grow cold and at some point downright start hating this person. I don't understand why. I can't think of one single ex-friend in my life that I don't have strong feelings of dislike about now.
Only one maybe... Alex. I still miss her... so much... I wonder where she is. I wish she'd call, write, anything...
But as for the others. Nope. I'm thinking about someone right now. Don't want to post the name publicly. But we were such good friends and then... I don't know why but we no longer talked and now, every time I just see a trace of her, my hair bristles and I get so angry. I feel like I hate her. I don't know why.
Lies, all bloody lies. Pretending they can't talk and yet they do, but not with you... liars...
Sometimes I'm amazed how easily people fall out of love/friendship. From one day to the next they're gone. They all are gone. And I'm not even surprised. I always expect it. I honestly do. It's a vicious circle, I guess. I get the feeling something's not right and I grow cold and thus the friend reacts and the situation gets amplified and in the end we're no longer friends. I wish it wasn't so...
And for some reason I torture myself. I don't forget friends. No... I always try to find our what they're doing and where they are and I get so sad, crying and missing them and yet hating them.
Guess I will never understand it...
Only one maybe... Alex. I still miss her... so much... I wonder where she is. I wish she'd call, write, anything...
But as for the others. Nope. I'm thinking about someone right now. Don't want to post the name publicly. But we were such good friends and then... I don't know why but we no longer talked and now, every time I just see a trace of her, my hair bristles and I get so angry. I feel like I hate her. I don't know why.
Lies, all bloody lies. Pretending they can't talk and yet they do, but not with you... liars...
Sometimes I'm amazed how easily people fall out of love/friendship. From one day to the next they're gone. They all are gone. And I'm not even surprised. I always expect it. I honestly do. It's a vicious circle, I guess. I get the feeling something's not right and I grow cold and thus the friend reacts and the situation gets amplified and in the end we're no longer friends. I wish it wasn't so...
And for some reason I torture myself. I don't forget friends. No... I always try to find our what they're doing and where they are and I get so sad, crying and missing them and yet hating them.
Guess I will never understand it...
