I've got my pills, but they're not working...

[silversolitaire]

It's terrible when your body is full of pain and there is no escape.

The sick sad thing about this LJ is that friends no longer feel the need to keep contact with you because they can stay up to date with one look at this thing and move on. Provided they care at all. But... what about the warmth? What about their life? They don't tell you that and so you're just getting more lonely with it.

I've never fully understood what happened when friends suddenly stop talking to you. Have you become boring? Did you tell them too much and now they feel that they don't want you as a friend? Did they see how terrible it is inside of you and chose that you're not the kind of person to put up with? What is it...

In the end I can see it. It all makes sense. I'm a terrible person, I know that. I can't control my sadness and I pull down everybody around me. It's just a matter of time that they grow tired of me. There was a time when I used to be interesting, but that's long gone. I'm losing my strength.

So, the solution is simple - don't tell anyone. Be happy, be bright, or they'll leave you. But this requires strength which I don't have. Holden Caulfield was right: ""Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." Never has it been more true. You'll miss everybody, because they'll turn away from you.

Comments

[natlet]

Silver baby! Snap out of it! Love you, honey.

I know how you feel about thinking you have to pretend you're happy. I feel like that a lot. It's not fun, babe.

*hugs* It's okay, honey. I'm not going anywhere. E-mail me if you want, okay?

[larean.livejournal.com]

I understand. It seems the longer, more meaningful the entry or the more frequent my entries, the less anyone discusses this shit with me. I post for a *reason*, and that reason is community.

(It'll be okay. Life is a sine curve, it has necessary highs and lows, but it ALWAYS crosses the median again, and you'll appreciate your highs so much more when you get back there.)

Aw.

[tariana.livejournal.com]

I love you, Silver :)

don't give up

[nortylak.livejournal.com]

You aren't boring. You are not a horrible person. I could tell you that a million times and I'm sure you still wouldn't believe me, but really, it's true. You inspire me in so many ways, Silver. You don't pull me down. You give me hope. And I'll never grow tired of you. Don't pretend to be something that you aren't. You told *me* that once! And you haven't lost your strength. If you had, you wouldn't still be trying to be happy. *hugs* you'll be just fine as long as you want to be. And remember, email me or whatever any time, any day. I'll always be here for you. ^_^ luv, norty