Best site EVAR!
Mar. 30th, 2005 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silversolitaireI was just surfing around idly and don't ask me how exactly I ended up on this site here, but OMG it's cracking me up... I can't breathe! *fans air*
The site we're talking about is called... *drumroll*
Sex in the Romance: A Review of Romantic Encounters of the Close Kind
This site is a guide to write successful romance by... hang on... a GUY! Yes, you heard right. Now, name one romance writing guy who's actually published. Just one. Come on... I know you want to. Can't? Thought so. But, we won't be prejudiced, right? So let's look at what he has to tell us.
The descriptions of his sections are actually rather nice. No complaints there. But there it comes... the possible alternatives to replace certain terms in your story! Oh joy. So, we got these wonderful examples here for... kissing!
"absorbing her drugging nectar" Uhm, yeah.
"absorbing her essence into his very cells" ????
"bittersweet fervor" okay, missing a verb here. Not gonna be picky, or anything
"explicit come-and-get-me" is this a game or what?
"feeding from the sweetness of her mouth" ew
"long, drugging kiss" why is it always drugging??
"richer than Godiva chocolate" ... buh?
"twisting" twist... ing... okay.
"voracious invitation" okay, now I need a dictionary.
Don't they make you want to write a riveting bodice ripper right here and now? But wait, there's more! Let's make a guessing game. What are we talking about here?
"beautiful, trembling and swollen"
"full and throbbing"
"soft and pink"
and here's the corker:
"parted pulsing with the inflow of warm, sensual blood"
Hey, we're talking about LIPS here, okay? You knew that, right? Oh and there's "two swollen, ripe plums" as well. *nods*
And now, because I know you want to and I just can't resists... *clicks section "Penis, the Staff of Life"*
...
AHAHAHAHAA OMG I'm dying I'm dying!!!!!!
Okay, first thing on the list is "aching bulge". Kinda corny, but okay. Then there's "blatant, aggressive, magnificent arousal". Oooh scary.
"burgeoning erection"
"hard man heat" XD;;;;
and it get's better!
"iron-hard tumescence"
"love's sweet arrow"
"molten member"
"plenipotentiary instrument"!!!!
Psst... in case you were wondering:
But of course I'm still going to check out the writer's own attempt on romance...
"This was the first time that Sally had ever brazenly bared her bounteous beauties before a beau."
... Okay, I'm outta here. Apparenty someone told this dude in highschool writing class 101 that aliterations are a neat thing. And now the world has to suffer from "molten members" and "bounteous beauties". Geez thanks. You know? I'm truely convinced that 90% of the time aliterations sound really awkward in a narrative text that's not trying to be artsy. Wish someone would tell that guy! But what do you expect of a someone who names a section "Vulva (not the car)"...
The site we're talking about is called... *drumroll*
Sex in the Romance: A Review of Romantic Encounters of the Close Kind
This site is a guide to write successful romance by... hang on... a GUY! Yes, you heard right. Now, name one romance writing guy who's actually published. Just one. Come on... I know you want to. Can't? Thought so. But, we won't be prejudiced, right? So let's look at what he has to tell us.
The descriptions of his sections are actually rather nice. No complaints there. But there it comes... the possible alternatives to replace certain terms in your story! Oh joy. So, we got these wonderful examples here for... kissing!
"absorbing her drugging nectar" Uhm, yeah.
"absorbing her essence into his very cells" ????
"bittersweet fervor" okay, missing a verb here. Not gonna be picky, or anything
"explicit come-and-get-me" is this a game or what?
"feeding from the sweetness of her mouth" ew
"long, drugging kiss" why is it always drugging??
"richer than Godiva chocolate" ... buh?
"twisting" twist... ing... okay.
"voracious invitation" okay, now I need a dictionary.
Don't they make you want to write a riveting bodice ripper right here and now? But wait, there's more! Let's make a guessing game. What are we talking about here?
"beautiful, trembling and swollen"
"full and throbbing"
"soft and pink"
and here's the corker:
"parted pulsing with the inflow of warm, sensual blood"
Hey, we're talking about LIPS here, okay? You knew that, right? Oh and there's "two swollen, ripe plums" as well. *nods*
And now, because I know you want to and I just can't resists... *clicks section "Penis, the Staff of Life"*
...
AHAHAHAHAA OMG I'm dying I'm dying!!!!!!
Okay, first thing on the list is "aching bulge". Kinda corny, but okay. Then there's "blatant, aggressive, magnificent arousal". Oooh scary.
"burgeoning erection"
"hard man heat" XD;;;;
and it get's better!
"iron-hard tumescence"
"love's sweet arrow"
"molten member"
"plenipotentiary instrument"!!!!
Psst... in case you were wondering:
plen·i·po·ten·ti·ar·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pln-p-tnsh-r, -sh-r)*wipes away a tear* Ah this is rich. I don't think I can bear much more of this. I don't even want to know anymore what a "Mammary Undulation Proposal" is...
adj.
Invested with or conferring full powers: a plenipotentiary deputy.
But of course I'm still going to check out the writer's own attempt on romance...
"This was the first time that Sally had ever brazenly bared her bounteous beauties before a beau."
... Okay, I'm outta here. Apparenty someone told this dude in highschool writing class 101 that aliterations are a neat thing. And now the world has to suffer from "molten members" and "bounteous beauties". Geez thanks. You know? I'm truely convinced that 90% of the time aliterations sound really awkward in a narrative text that's not trying to be artsy. Wish someone would tell that guy! But what do you expect of a someone who names a section "Vulva (not the car)"...
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Date: 2005-03-29 11:06 pm (UTC)*dies*