Gain and Loss...
Mar. 28th, 2001 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silversolitaireI just cut my finger while trying to handle a pair of scissors. How stupid is that??? *whines* Now I can't type properly... Gawd!
Anywayz, I'm tired as hell. I haven't slept much, maybe 3 hours. Just couldn't. Then worked all day, got a killer headache. And then... oh yes, I went to the counsellor! Tadah! Of course I procrastinated majorly first, lurking around in the cafeteria, taking brochures I didn't really need, watching the birds and the cars and all that... Then I finally plucked up enough courage to go inside. The moment I entered the lobby I felt like I had lost. And won. All in one. I felt like now there is no turning back, no it's final and official that I'm a nutcase. But I also felt like I had taken the first step to tackle the beast.
Now I don't know what to think. I get five free sessions. Until then I must have things sorted out or go to a therapist who wants money. Not that I don't want to pay, but I hardly can pay him without letting my parents know. Gah... Well, whatever. Now I don't know what to think. Like I had to prove now that I deserve the attention and help. And I fear I might fail and be pushed back into the darkness, because I didn't manage to get my point across. Like I could miss my chance...
Well, I'll just try to make the most of it. After all, it can't get any worse, ne?
After that talk (it was only brief and I got an appointment in two weeks), I went on a nice shopping spree. What can I say... buying things makes me happy. I went to the local manga store and got myself some nice posters and a Weißkreuz card game. Then I went to a drugstore and bought an obscene amount of make-up. I felt like I needed that. This time I focused on gold. I like that color lately. I like a golden eyeline and a bit of light golden eye shadow. That looks really nice. But I also got some more silver stuff. Of course! ^_^
Oh, and I bought a pack of smokes. I've been hunting this particular brand for forever! I was once on a very nice date and we had Prosecco and one of those. A fantastic taste sensation. I wanted to relive that. Of course I can't smoke them any time soon, with my lung condition, but it's nice to have them near. They're really inexpensive, too. And sooo taste, like cookie dough and champagne, mingled with the taste of a woman... ah.
My head hurts...
I shall retire soon I guess.
I'm trying to grow my eyebrows into a more meaningful arch. Letting it grow there, tweeting it here... somehow it never quite works. But well, I got time.
Gotta work tomorrow, too... *growls*
Anywayz, I'm tired as hell. I haven't slept much, maybe 3 hours. Just couldn't. Then worked all day, got a killer headache. And then... oh yes, I went to the counsellor! Tadah! Of course I procrastinated majorly first, lurking around in the cafeteria, taking brochures I didn't really need, watching the birds and the cars and all that... Then I finally plucked up enough courage to go inside. The moment I entered the lobby I felt like I had lost. And won. All in one. I felt like now there is no turning back, no it's final and official that I'm a nutcase. But I also felt like I had taken the first step to tackle the beast.
Now I don't know what to think. I get five free sessions. Until then I must have things sorted out or go to a therapist who wants money. Not that I don't want to pay, but I hardly can pay him without letting my parents know. Gah... Well, whatever. Now I don't know what to think. Like I had to prove now that I deserve the attention and help. And I fear I might fail and be pushed back into the darkness, because I didn't manage to get my point across. Like I could miss my chance...
Well, I'll just try to make the most of it. After all, it can't get any worse, ne?
After that talk (it was only brief and I got an appointment in two weeks), I went on a nice shopping spree. What can I say... buying things makes me happy. I went to the local manga store and got myself some nice posters and a Weißkreuz card game. Then I went to a drugstore and bought an obscene amount of make-up. I felt like I needed that. This time I focused on gold. I like that color lately. I like a golden eyeline and a bit of light golden eye shadow. That looks really nice. But I also got some more silver stuff. Of course! ^_^
Oh, and I bought a pack of smokes. I've been hunting this particular brand for forever! I was once on a very nice date and we had Prosecco and one of those. A fantastic taste sensation. I wanted to relive that. Of course I can't smoke them any time soon, with my lung condition, but it's nice to have them near. They're really inexpensive, too. And sooo taste, like cookie dough and champagne, mingled with the taste of a woman... ah.
My head hurts...
I shall retire soon I guess.
I'm trying to grow my eyebrows into a more meaningful arch. Letting it grow there, tweeting it here... somehow it never quite works. But well, I got time.
Gotta work tomorrow, too... *growls*
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Gain and loss...
Date: 2001-03-28 02:07 pm (UTC)Yeah, I know what it's like to grow up in the "perfect" family till 20yrs later nobody wants to play the game anymore, live the lie, hide behind the facade.
Why must it be a perfect stranger to teach us how to talk to, to relate with, our own family?
You know what they say (whoever THEY are) - you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.
And, as one psycho to another... don't let the counselor run the discussion 24/7... their job is mainly to listen, and perhaps interpret. Be willing to step to the fore and form the boundaries of discussion from the get-go. Say what you ARE willing to discuss, and what you are NOT willing to discuss... yet. One: that'll help the counselor through the "feeling out" stage; and Two: they'll know where you'll start feeling cornered - and if they're worth a shit, they won't push you that way. Capisce?
Keep your chin up and your mascara dry, honey. lol (hug).
no subject
Date: 2001-03-28 06:20 pm (UTC)