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silversolitaireSomehow I'm not feeling very communicative lately. Adding to that is that heaviness in my arms and hands that make it hard for me to write and type. It's odd. I don't know. Lately feel like my entries are lacking content. I know they are. I just don't feel like posting much. But I hate what I'm posting. I think of myself as a smart person. Why am I not posting all these smart and fun things to read that I had promised myself to post years ago? Where's all that. I really wonder...
I'm unhappy about several things regarding my LJ. One is that I'm posting crap, as addressed before. Two is that I no longer feel the need to broadcast my life among anything who happens to surf by and yet I'm too lazy to actually do anything about it. Three is that it really bothers me that my friends list is so big. For a while I just friended everyone back who friended me, even if I wasn't actually reading their LJs. I just checked if this was a decent journal, not just some idiot posting only quiz results all the time and so on, and then friended back.
And now I'm paying the price. Of course, I could just cut down on friends. But somehow I'm too nice for that. I'm a silly person. I hate being defriended usually. Even if I never talked to this person, it still bothers me. Sometimes, quite rarely, I get defriended by someone I considered a friend or at least a good acquaintance. Even if you haven't talked for a couple of weeks, months even, that's no reason for me to consider a friendship over. So yes, that hurts especially. Others I understand. They're going throw something like I am and just don't bother what others think. That's a good approach too.
But what to do now? There are so many things unresolved. I still haven't told Li about a lot of things and about this LJ. I still don't know if I want to. I really... don't want to. And yet it'd be a great way to keep in touch with her. We wouldn't be drifting apart like that. But would she appreciate this? This openess about things we could never talk about when we were still together? It's all just one big mess. I can think of no plausible solution that involves being honest and not letting her into my LJ. Especially with so many friends. *sighs*
What to do... I'll need to think. But I don't want to hurt people or make them feel bad. Or maybe even most people don't care if I was to remove them. *sighs* I could post of of these really dumb "Reply or I'll defriend you!" posts, but I loathe them. And of course there are people I'd never remove, even if they weren't replying. Personally I've made it a habit never to reply to such posts. If someone doesn't appreciate me enough to keep me on their list even without me asking it's not worth my time. So yeah... this is very tricky indeed.
*sighs* What to do...
I'm unhappy about several things regarding my LJ. One is that I'm posting crap, as addressed before. Two is that I no longer feel the need to broadcast my life among anything who happens to surf by and yet I'm too lazy to actually do anything about it. Three is that it really bothers me that my friends list is so big. For a while I just friended everyone back who friended me, even if I wasn't actually reading their LJs. I just checked if this was a decent journal, not just some idiot posting only quiz results all the time and so on, and then friended back.
And now I'm paying the price. Of course, I could just cut down on friends. But somehow I'm too nice for that. I'm a silly person. I hate being defriended usually. Even if I never talked to this person, it still bothers me. Sometimes, quite rarely, I get defriended by someone I considered a friend or at least a good acquaintance. Even if you haven't talked for a couple of weeks, months even, that's no reason for me to consider a friendship over. So yes, that hurts especially. Others I understand. They're going throw something like I am and just don't bother what others think. That's a good approach too.
But what to do now? There are so many things unresolved. I still haven't told Li about a lot of things and about this LJ. I still don't know if I want to. I really... don't want to. And yet it'd be a great way to keep in touch with her. We wouldn't be drifting apart like that. But would she appreciate this? This openess about things we could never talk about when we were still together? It's all just one big mess. I can think of no plausible solution that involves being honest and not letting her into my LJ. Especially with so many friends. *sighs*
What to do... I'll need to think. But I don't want to hurt people or make them feel bad. Or maybe even most people don't care if I was to remove them. *sighs* I could post of of these really dumb "Reply or I'll defriend you!" posts, but I loathe them. And of course there are people I'd never remove, even if they weren't replying. Personally I've made it a habit never to reply to such posts. If someone doesn't appreciate me enough to keep me on their list even without me asking it's not worth my time. So yeah... this is very tricky indeed.
*sighs* What to do...
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-11 02:20 pm (UTC)Not trying to bring you down at all, just presenting a few things to think about.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-11 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-11 02:46 pm (UTC)i miss your posts. you are all quiet. i hope you think of something to do, because i'm not that often about to chat (not when you're not playing RO anyway) and i want to know what's going on in your life!
waaaaaaaaaaah. look, i miss you now! be brave, give your friends list a clean out. i will love you more to make up for the people you take off... (does that make sense to you?)
*loves*
no subject
Date: 2003-11-11 02:46 pm (UTC)xoxo
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 02:45 am (UTC)I tried to suggest people who aren't interested in my journal defriend me but no one did. Ah well.
Good luck with your problems. I'm just sympathizing.