Not feeling well...

[silversolitaire]

Been kinda depressed over the last days. The nights are terrible. I love them, but I also hate them. They make me feel lonely. Sometimes, I feel like I can't scream loud enough to make myself heard.

I just wrote "hurt". What does Freud say about that?

It's one of those occasions when I can't stop crying and I'm embarrassed because I have to. When they tears won't stop falling from my eyes. Like pearls they're falling down as I walk, on my cheeks, my clothes, my hands. Each of them is heavy as lead.

I realize once more that I can't fight my private hell. It's following me. And I will always be lonely. I can't hear them, even though they're talking to me. I can't see them, even though I'm looking. I can't think, even though my mind is racing.

It hurts... when a friend tells you he will abandon you as soon as you do something really stupid. Even though you know it's stupid and all you wanted was a hand offered, so you knew you could take it when you needed it. Just the feeling of having that hand offered to you was all you wanted. And instead you get harsh words that make you realize that this person would push you back into the abyss when you needed him the most.

It scares me. How can I trust such a person?

It hurts...

Comments

[starla9.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie........"The nights are terrible. I love them, but I also hate them. They make me feel lonely. Sometimes, I feel like I can't scream loud enough to make myself heard." I know that feeling all TOO well. T_T And the feeling that your private hell is something you simply can't fight. Remember, it's NOT true. You will NOT always be lonely, and even though you may feel lonely at times, remember you are never alone. There are people who care for you, because we love you. And we love you because you deserve it and so much more. *hugs*

"It hurts... when a friend tells you he will abandon you as soon as you do something really stupid." I'm sorry they said that...they shouldn't have. That's when you NEED them--when you feel like you're about to do something stupid. *sighs*

[panda-monium.livejournal.com]

*huggles* I'm sorry I don't see often on ICQ these days. And if you do something stupid, I'll pick you up, kick your ass and hug you to bits. ^_^

[ladymoonray.livejournal.com]

I'm sending lots and lots and lots of hugs your way. You are not alone - we love you!

ladym