Last night I had a wonderful and oddly obsessive dream...

I dreamt I was on vacation with the family. Nothing wrong with that yet. But as I was about to wake up I dreamt that I passed some antiquities store and was admiring a violin. And then I noticed that there was a small wooden case lying in the violin box. And I saw a syringe and a small bottle and I KNEW it was Sherlock Holmes' morocco case where he keeps his 7% solution of cocaine and his syringe! Well in my dream I was sorta undecided whether it was the actual thing or just what I've always wanted. (You must know, I'm almost constantly searching for THE perfect morocco and syringe... I wanna have a case like that and put an old looking cocaine bottle in there... ^.^;). Well, I went into the store and asked for the price and it was only 50$, so I bought it and was so happy. And then I woke up ;_;.

*longs*

Odd day today

As you might remember, I didn't dare to call Richard last night. Well, after much summoning up my strength and composing myself I decided to do it finally. It was around 9:30 PM... and the line rang busy. *sigh* I tried it for a bit more and then decided to call the other day from work. Which I actually did! Yay me! Around 10 I called his number, got his machine and left a strange message giving him about ANY number I have expect for my work number which seemed to be pointless, but later proved to would have been useful. Meh... Anyway, I went back to my computer and found a mail from him telling me that he'll be in and out of office all day. I thought "Great!" and wrote him back and said I'd be there around 3:30.

At said time I arrived at his office and found it deserted, of course. A note at the door said he'd be back at 4. So I decided to hang out in the library for a bit. I met a friend from the Nature writing class there and we chatted nicely and laughed about some cartoons. At 4:00 I went back to the office and still found no Richard. At around 4:10 I decided that it'll probably be pointless to wait since I had a long ride ahead of me. So I left.

When I got back home mom greeted my with saying "There was a call for you by some American and it wasn't Tom." It turned out he called at 3:00 and around 5:00 again. He got my mom twice. How very embarrassing. That made me feel extremely bad and embarrassed. What made it even more complicated was that his mailer sorta sends out bogus time stamps, so you never know when it sent something.

Tom insisted that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't feel bad. But I couldn't really help it. Anyway, around 8:00 or so I received a call at home and it was Richard! That made me feel a hundred times better. He apologized and said we probably missed each other by less than 5 mins. or so. D'oh! Well, we had a nice chat. It was really pleasant. I hadn't expected him to actually want to talk to me. I thought he just wanted to, dunno, ask something or so. We talked about long distance relationships. He said he's impressed how it works with Tom and me and he said he'll go through this soon too since he's seeing someone here and will be going back to NY real soon. We talked about this and that. He was wondering how he could have conducted the creative writing course in a different way and I told him it was fine the way it was since all the students were really devoted. We talked about Goethe and I promised to send him some nice translations. And he wanted me to send him some of my poetry! Yikes! Gotta do that by tomorrow. Then he'll be leaving for Turkey. He might be back by Wednesday and then we might manage to meet one final time. Now really final time. Heh... He said he's sure I'll publish something one day. Wish I had his confidence.

Well, that was a nice finisher for the day I guess. Just wanted to write it down.

It's so lonely in the saddle since the horse died, or why LJ is such a lonely place sometimes

Today I realized for the first time the downside of Livejournal. Or maybe I've known this before, but it's just bothering me now, I suppose. For today I have realized that LJ can be a very single-sided thing in terms of keeping contact with friends, as you are, as a regular LJ user, supplying people with updates and information about your life, thus satisfying their curiosity (should they care) without having to take an active effort to find out about it. In the "old days" you had to talk to a friend regularily or write them letters / emails in order to keep them close. Nowadays you can basically ignore them for all you care since you can just check out LJ every now and then to be informed. Of course, this is the main reason why I got LJ. I just couldn't keep up with all my contacts, really, and I didn't care that much about writing updates on my life to every person I wanted to keep posted. It was quite troublesome. So I thought it'd probably be nice to just write it for everyone.

LJ works very nicely when it's a two-sided thing. When you write about your life and can read about your friends' life in return. When people don't bother to really update though it isn't nice anymore. It rather becomes a nuisance. You supply people with personal information without really noticing anybody cares.

I realize I'm preaching in underwear. I know I've committed the same things I'm complaining right now, but hell, it bugs me. It once more prompts the desire to make my journal friends only. But alas, what a hassle it would be. And not only that, it wouldn't really get to the core of the problem, would it. Since your LJ friends can be the problem. So, what does one do in such an occasion? Keep the "What's going on in my life" extremely private and only share with people who you know will appreciate it? Stop posting it? Go completely private? What? And are there people at all who aren't on your friends list who like to be updated on your life. If so, wow! Why didn't you notice before and why don't they ever come forward?

So many things... I'm torn. I have this journal for myself. When I write long personal entries I do that to record them for myself and knowing that some friend might read it gives it a little bit more purpose. Otherwise this journal probably would die as fast as any other paper journal I tried to keep before. But somehow this is really perverted. Pouring your heart out to people you don't really know and who will probably show sympathy whereas people who are really close to you and who you'd expect to care don't react at all. This is what really makes me hesitate to increase the privacy level. The most honest and heartfelt responses I have received from people who weren't among my immediate circle of friends and it's also what touched me the most. I'd hate to shut out these people. All the same, if I tried to avoid that I'd have to post one of these wretched "If you want to be in my super private mystery filter please leave a comment so I feel really special, teehee" messages, and I'd abhor that. I can't do what I hate seeing other people do, can I?

*sighs* Wish I knew what to do. Also wish I had thought about the security level more over the past months. Then I wouldn't have to be worried about giving Li the URL to my LJ now... Ah yes...

(no subject)

It's mine!!!!!! XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I see my dream as a sign.

Poison bottles

As requested by ron, here are my favorite poison bottles!


This is my absolute favorite, of course.

( 15 more inside )