silversolitaire

It's my birthday soon and I get sick just thinking about it. I can't help myself, I hate my own birthday. I love other people's b-days, because I love buying them gifts and surprising them, but I hate my own. Just because I always end up disappointed. I guess it's the same with X-Mas. You've got all these silly ideas in your head about how great b-days used to be when you were a kid. Where you couldn't sleep all night because you were excited and then you got up early and where the center of attention for everyone! And they all congratulated you and you got vouchers and free stuff and all. And then there was the birthday table overflowing with presents and candy and all sorts of nifty stuff you never even thought of wishing for and yet they had bought it, small and useless stuff and yet so pretty. Flowers! A cake! And then you got your favorite food and all the relatives called and then in the afternoon your friends came, so many friends... and you had an awesome party with games and prizes and fun! And in the evening you were pleasantly tired and so happy... That's how b-days used to be and of course they're never going to be that way again. Now I can count myself lucky to get a "Happy Birthday" from all my family members. Nobody usually calls. My god parents totally forgot about my existence, I don't have any close family anyway and the ones I had are dead... mow. And the presents are usually uninspired. I don't know, maybe I have crazy ideas, but I always try to find nice and creative presents. I want them to fit the person I give to. Oh well...

It's a vicious circle. I try not to expect anything, but I can't help myself but do so. And then they make me write wish lists to make it easier for them and of course it makes me think about all the stuff I'd like to have and of course I don't get everything on the list (which is understood) but I can't help myself but feel disappointed for the other stuff I wanted >_<. It's wicked... and even more so, I feel ungrateful and then I feel even worse...

This is why I hate my birthday. No expectations... that'd be best. But I can't... *sighs*

Anyway, for my own reference here's the requested list of stuff I won't get /sarcasm. I'm posting it here for save-keeping. I think it's amusing to look at old wishlists...

DVDs (Region 2, bilingual):