T_T

For some strange and unknown reason, my ZoneAlarm decided to delete my complete list of programs that I had so painstakingly entered >_<. And now Outlook won't connect anymore, probably because ZoneAlarm is blocking it, but it doesn't even ask for authorization and it's not on the list either and I have no idea how to get it in there... T_T

Not to mention that I didn't sleep so well, then overslept, woke up with my knee hurting badly, only to find that my parents had left for the townfair without me, not even bothering to ask if I wanted to come along.

Yeah yeah, I know... whine... Oh well...

*sighs*

I realize I'm whiny bitchy and bored when I can't check my email even though I know chances are that there's only ML rubbish in it anyway. Oh well... *curls up*

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I don't feel inspired to do anything. I can't write, I can't draw... hell, I can't even write emails properly. Or LJ entries, for that matter. It seems like a terrible strain for me to concentrate long enough to write two sentences in a row... I hate that. I remember a friend of mine who said that this was the curse of IMing. You are so used to holding your train of thought no longer than a short message that you can't muster up enough to stay focussed for something as long as a whole email. Studying suffers from that as well. I notice that too. When I have to read texts for classes or write essays I notice my thoughts drift off after 5 mins. or so. It's annoying. Even now I have interrupted this entry already three times. It's a curse, it's true...

It's ironic, when I started out with this LJ I was determined to write something smart every day. Now see where that went... right out of the window. Most of the time I don't even post anything useful. It's the same problem I have with emails and everything else. It's depressing. When I think... a year ago I was at the height of creativity. That was one of the greatest feelings I had, creating and writing Cara together with Li, hanging out around midnight, drinking red wine and passing the computer around, writing the further adventures of Dante and Amadeo... *sighs happily*

I need a new inspiration, it seems... and then again, even if I had it I knew I'd most likely not feel inspired to write it either T_T. I still have this drawing of the small demon sitting on my hard drive, half colored and unsatisfactory... gah.

I should work in my portfolio. I want to get that designing job. Even though I probably won't get much money from it, but it's good to get a bit more popular in the department. When I think about Andy... everyone likes and knows him. He has it so easy in every exam, it's not fair.

Oh well... enough drivelling...

(no subject)

I look to the stars and the answers are clear
I look in the mirror and see what I fear