Not feeling well...

Been kinda depressed over the last days. The nights are terrible. I love them, but I also hate them. They make me feel lonely. Sometimes, I feel like I can't scream loud enough to make myself heard.

I just wrote "hurt". What does Freud say about that?

It's one of those occasions when I can't stop crying and I'm embarrassed because I have to. When they tears won't stop falling from my eyes. Like pearls they're falling down as I walk, on my cheeks, my clothes, my hands. Each of them is heavy as lead.

I realize once more that I can't fight my private hell. It's following me. And I will always be lonely. I can't hear them, even though they're talking to me. I can't see them, even though I'm looking. I can't think, even though my mind is racing.

It hurts... when a friend tells you he will abandon you as soon as you do something really stupid. Even though you know it's stupid and all you wanted was a hand offered, so you knew you could take it when you needed it. Just the feeling of having that hand offered to you was all you wanted. And instead you get harsh words that make you realize that this person would push you back into the abyss when you needed him the most.

It scares me. How can I trust such a person?

It hurts...

(no subject)

"You're out to destroy others," I said, looking at him steadily. "I'm out to destroy myself. Why aren't we compatible?"

Weird...

I appear to be getting chicken nuggets for lunch sans chicken. They're made from tofu and called "Tastes like Chicken". *giggle*

Very funny...

*stretches languidly*

The paper is now officially done. It's printed, put in a folder, envelope is addressed and ready. YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

*giggles happily and puts all the books and papers and copies and notes into a box and far far away*

Oh forgot to say...

I friendified a bunch of folks. *waves*