Receiving cryptic messages on my cell?

I sent my dad a farewell message last night and today I got two back, one of which said "Tell Ma I enjoyed the chocolate and that I've found and understood the note." o.o Great... couldn't he have sent her that on her own cell??? >_<

*looks into history* Did I make a post on that now or not? Hm... nope. Well, yesterday we sent my dad off to Las Vegas. T_T That was very sad. I mean, I don't care that much, he will be back, but my mom was very very sad. She cried a lot and all. Frankly, I don't know why she's exaggerating like that! Sheesh... it bothers me how my dad expects me to "mummysit" now. He told me so many times that I'm supposed to keep her company now, yadda-yadda. And as always, when I got up she was gone! >_<

I don't know... I'm not feeling very communicative lately. I'm annoyed about the family business. I hate that I'm forced to socialize... T_T

In other news, I've managed to convince Starla to try out Yami no Matsuei! *gleeeeee* She loves it! I'm so glad! And it makes me want to rewatch it. Hm, maybe I should...

Muraki...!

*chuckles*

Ah, I'm tired... -.- And once again I am facing work on Tuesday ff. and I hate the thought... *cries* I really should begin working on my paper... *sniffs* I don't wanna... *knocks head against the wall*

One thing that annoys me is that when I mail back someone after weeks of silence and then I'm told to answer all the other questions in the old emails first. >_< I mean, it's so difficult for me already to focus on an email long enough to answer it, but having to weed through old stuff even? Gah....

grarrr!

Morpheus doesn't work... >_< Need Gravitation 12 and 13 as avi by Tueday! Gah!

Oh damn it...

Truth be told, I'm not happy. I've got a paper, no TWO papers to write and I don't know where the fuck to start. And right now I'm feeling so antisocial to an extend that I just want to close the door behind me and never come out again. Unfortunately, in a family like mine this is quite impossible. I hear from friends who they can sleep all day and be online all night and never come out of their room unless to grab some food. But not me. Oh no, not me. Here, family life is compulsory. It is expected that you are at the table at lunch and that you join them for coffee. Usually, it's nice, but right now it's just driving me nuts. It's one of these moods when just saying a single word means so much effort... I notice it everywhere. I notice it when chatting, too, or when posting into my LJ or replying to email. I can barely move my fingers. It's like a thick, oozy slime of "me-ness" that I just can't get through. I don't want to talk, I don't want to socialize. I just want to be with myself and talk to those elect few that I choose.

I can't help it... My dad is gone and left me with the care of my mother. And she wants it, she needs it. I'd be so cruel not to give her attention. So I'm sitting there, stirring my coffee and I can't think of anything else but going back to my side of the couch and curl up. She talks to me and I give polite answers and go "Oh? Oh really? Mmmh-mmh..." but I'm not really listening. I'm thinking of people, of books, of stories... I can't concentrate on her. And I feel bad that way. I want to be with her, but I'm just not enjoying it. I can't think of one thing that I would want to tell her. *deep sigh*

I'm bad...

I hate to be forced to socialize. It makes me want to cover my face and cry all the time. Be quiet, people!!!

Emails are such a terrible effort for me... I open a mail in the morning and it takes me all day just to write a few lines until at 1 AM or so I finish the message with a "I'm sorry, I just don't feel like talking" and send it off and it feels like a terrible burden was taken off my shoulder. And the next day, there are new emails to write... Never ending circle.

God... how am I ever going to be able to live my life properly? I am doomed... I can't life with people and I can't live without them, because then I'd get swamped in my own rubbish and starve to death. I am a terrible terrible person... And I don't even see how therapy could help me with that.

I remember a time when I was happy... I think I remember. When each day was fun and new. When I was in for everything. When my dad said "Wanna come along to XY?" and I'd say "Yeah sure, cool!" because any change was a good thing. And now? Now I feel like 5 mins. away from my computer already is too long. When one hour seems to be unbearable. Good Lord... What has become of me? Will it ever go away?

I still want to be someone else... more than ever... I want to be able to switch around and be all those people I am in my head...

Addendum:
Talk about absent-mindedness... I completely forgot I had this entry written! *posts it now*

Important question:

[Poll #21268]

Johnny Cash - Man in Black

Man In Black
by Johnny Cash

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.

And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,
Believen' that the Lord was on their side,
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,
Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

/sarcasm

Excellent, and there it is, the IE Error Message of Doom that never leaves no matter how many thousand times you press okay... *sighage*

Restart is me...

Oooooooow...

I... just broke a rib, I think... uh... *dies* I propped myself up on my elbow and slipped and rammed the edge of the couch into my ribcage while I was holding up my computer... T_T

Hurts... can hardly breathe... ow...

Johnny Cash - A Boy Named Sue

A Boy Named Sue
by Johnny Cash

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!!!!!