(no subject)

I ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule! XD

*read: scored great at Fleur's quiz*

A computer ate my brain...

Why oh why is it that every time I switch on the computer, I can forget everything I had planned for the day... *grumbles* I wanted to read a bit, have a cup of tea, write a couple of cards and THEN switch on the computer and watch a little TV. Of course I switched on the computer anyway and now I'm doing all sorts of brainless stuff. Gah... I really wanted to read some more. Maybe I should now. Hm...

Survey, stolen from cameron

If you...
could travel to one place in the world, where would it be? - Right now? Las Vegas. Don't know why, but I feel like going there right now! ^_^
were a crayon what color would you be? purple with glitter
could have one wish in the world, what would it be? uh... to have the strength to fulfil my dreams.
could have any occupation, what would it be? artist at Disney
could have some sort of special power what would you want it to be? be a shapeshifter

Favorite...
candy? - any chocolate Ferrero puts out
color? - purple
color bra? - peach
thing to do on the weekend? - be online and chat, write with my gf
memory? - Hum... uhh... probably some vacations I took or so.
tv show(s)? - The Simpsons, Malcolm in the Middle, various anime
band/group/singer? - HIM, Rammstein, Placebo, Linkin Park, Papa Roach... probably forgot a lot.
boardgame? - ... uhm... hardly play it... Carcasonne is pretty cool.
magazine? - Cinema
drink? - lager beer
food? - pizza
flower? - lily
holiday? - they all kinda suck... easter, probably.
shampoo? - I change them all the time
ice cream? - cooky dough
scent/perfume? - Shafali

[skipping a couple of questions because they're boring]

Random...
drinks with or without ice? - without
thing you thought of or said when you woke up? - "Ack... no... God, no... *snore*"
rollercoasters: weeeeeeeeeeeeh!
pick a song that describes you? - Mystery Train by Bon Jovi
when you meet a person of the SAME sex, what do you notice first? -hips
last time you showered - I hardly ever shower. It's fucked up, only drips. Damnit... but I took a bath last night.
how is the weather right now? - mild and nice
who was the last person you talked to on the phone? - no idea... some lady from the bank, I think.
how many kids do you want? - none
how long do you wait to tell someone that you love them? - a long time, usually, if it's THIS kind of love.
who do you wish you could see more often? - Li
what would be something you would say to them? - Never go...
would you want to know when you're going to die? - No.
who do you admire? - Several people but I won't tell because it embarrasses me.

This or that...
coke or pepsi? - none.
1 pillow or 2? - 2
simple or complicated? - complicated
mom or dad? - dad
black or white? - black
happiness or depression? - depression
internet or real life? - internet
balloons or streamers? -streamers
grey or gray? - grey
sunrise or sunset? - sunset
x or o? - x, I always take the x at Tic Tac Toe! ^____^
sun or moon? - moon
emerald or ruby? - emerald! ruby? I can't decide...
chocolate or vanilla? - chocolate
hello or hi? - hi
silver or gold? - Silver!! XD
half empty or half full? - half empty. It always is... *gloomy look*
bacon bits or croutons? - croutons!
mary kay or lancome? - Uhm... never used either.

Which is more romantic...
candles or darkness? - Candles.
flowers or chocolate? - Flowers.
going out or staying in? - Depends.
champagne or wine? - Champagne.
bed or floor? - Bed. Floor isn't too romantic. Unless it's on a tigerskin in front of a fireplace! XD

What do you think of...
small children - I hate those snotty, drooling, stinking slimy bastards... o.o Does that answer the question?
religion - it teaches you respect and basic moral standards
drugs - I'd do them if they weren't so dangerous
yourself - most of the time, I hate myself
the internet - a wonderful thing, a terrible addiction
your town - beautiful, cozy, but I don't want to stay there.

What would you do if...
someone cut all of your hair off in the middle of the night - Go "huh?"
you were pulled out of your everyday life, and put into utter isolation - not feel much different from now.
someone stole your socks - go barefoot.
someone stole your computer - have a nervous breakdown and consider suicide.
all of your favorite bands were going on a tour together, coming to your hometown, but your parents wouldn't let you go - Go anyway. They can't tell me anything.
you fell on your ass on stage at school, in front of the whole school population - laughs with the others
were told that you were moving tomorrow, away from all of your friends - ask them what they were smoking and the pack. Most of my friends I can reach from anywhere in the world.

The Lord Won't Mind

Right now, I'm reading "The Lord Won't Mind" by Gordon Merrick. Had it sitting on my shelf for forever, never got around reading it. I like it. I mean, I'm not very much convinced about the story and the author tends to have a weird choice of words at times, but it's nicely written and there are a couple of really sweet scenes. What bugs me is the speed with which the story develops. They meet and the same day, just a few hours later, they're already in bed together and vowing everlasting love. Well, I guess that happens, but it always kinda has the taste of improbability.

Last night, I bawled my eyes out over a scene that actually should have annoyed the fuck out of me. But it still made me cry. You see, there're the two main characters, Charlie and Peter. Charlie is an incredibly handsome young man in the NY area of America in the 40s. He's very good at everything he does, is a very good artist, a great actor, wealthy, popular, excellent sportsman. He's got everything. And a loving grandmother to boot who's doing everything to make his life more comfortable. So it happens that she invites a young man over to her house for the summer for Charlie to spend some time with. First, Charlie is disgusted at the idea, because he thinks Peter is way too young for him, being 18 whereas he is 22.

Well, it just so happens that Peter turns out to be 20 (which makes aaaall the difference for Charlie) and is just as handsome. As a matter of fact, he's the spitting image of Charlie. Charlie's immediately interested and tries his best to seduce Peter. And succeeds.

This is how the story sets out and it seems as if it's a lovely lovestory and nothing else. But it soon becomes clear that their love is bound to go terribly wrong, because Charlie absolutely refuses to admit that he might be gay. To him, it's only a phase and he plans to get married sooner or later and then leave his past behind. Peter, on the other hand, is terribly in love with Charlie from the start and vows to be there for him forever.

They even move in together, a Peter turns into the perfect housewife, doing everything to make Charlie's life better. And Charlie is happy, but being the moron he is, he doesn't realize that. He begins pursuing his acting career, another thing he has to do secretly because his grandmother's love is crushing him to the extent that he has to do everything he does in the closet. No wonder he turned out the way he did! Charlie meets a girl and begins seeing her more often, not realizing how much it hurts Peter.

[Do not read on if you don't want to get spoiled. Well, not terribly spoiled, but a good deal of the plot will be revealed. Waffling ensues.]

It really annoyed me how Charlie could be so terribly selfish and blind. It is obvious to the reader and everyone else that Charlie really should be with Peter. Granted, he probably is bisexual since he does like girls, but he likes boys just so much better. Peter, however, is completely gay and he knows it. Every time he tries to develop some sort of gay mannerism, Charlie tells him off, calling him a queen and what have you.

C.B., Charlie's grandmother, is terribly sweet and nice and she just. Creeps. Me. Out. The controls Charlie completely. He's so scared to upset her that he's willing to give up everything. And she knows it. Does she ever know it. She tricks Peter into admitting that he's in love with Charlie which leads to her kicking out Peter and telling Charlie everything about it. Charlie then gets infuriated with Peter, thinking that he jeopardized everything on purpose. Having to choose between C.B.'s support and Peter's love, he glady chooses C.B.

The scene when Peter leaves their appartment just broke my heart. Peter was still so willing to do everything for Charlie, even when his own heart was being crushed to pieces. He first refused to leave but when Charlie began to cry, he agreed on it, always intent on doing what is best for Charlie. I just cried so hard when I should have been really pissed. Especially since Peter has nothing. Nothing at all. He knows he'll be out on the street and Charlie doesn't care. Or so he says.

Charlie immediately runs of to marry that stupid girl, Hattie. Mostly because he's mortally afraid to be alone in the appartment. He really goes right out and has her move in. We don't hear anything from Peter for a while. When we see Peter again, he's a sorta rentboy. He doesn't take money, but lets men pay for him in exchange for sex. He's become quite famous actually. They call him the Growler, because Peter has this thing for growling when he's ready to go to bed with someone. Charlie is shaken to the core, seeing Peter like that. Especially since he's adapted a somehow queer habit, something which always had freaked the hell out of Charlie.

I haven't read further yet, but I'm almost through. I really wonder how the story will end. Knowing Peter, he will rush right back into Charlie's arms as soon as he calls him back. That's so pathetic. I just can't understand a love like that. Peter has absolutely no pride at all. Everything he does is only set out to have some kind of effect on Charlie. Of course, a lot is just show. His being a rentboy. He just does it to numb the pain of being so cruelly kicked away by the one he wanted to stay with forever. And yet... all the while, he never really lets go, always keeps wanting Charlie.

Of course, it somehow touches my heart to see someone love to unconditionally. But it also scares me. Then again... if he could make Charlie understand, if Charlie really was there for him, it could be glorious. But will it ever happen? I don't know...

There are two more books after this one, so I'm sure they'll end up together, but I guess it'll always be a neverending up and down. Both of them are so sexual. Charlie is chronically unfaithful and Peter, deep inside, is a liar. He always says things like "You know you're the only one", "I'm yours forever" and yet he goes right out and acts against it. He does that with one lover who really wanted to there for him. Granted, he might have been that way because it wasn't Charlie, his "true" love, and yet... I don't know. It seemed so terribly insincere.

What I like is the way Peter transforms from a brainless sheep into a sexy fox. Before Charlie left him, he was the perfect housewife, doing everything to please Charlie, taking every shit from him, never complaining. After that, he fully explored his sexuality and became an independent person, self-assured and confident. That was cool. Even though I somehow know he's going to throw it all over board should Charlie show an inkling of interest. T_T

The book is very sexual. Amazingly explicit. It's rather refreshing to read that for a chance... *smiles* But the language becomes kinda dull after a while. Guess that's because it's only meant to indicate what is happening right now and not be beautiful about it.

Well... hope the ending won't annoy me terribly.