(no subject)

Damn... I want another Piña Colada, but I can't crush ice in the dead of the night... :-/

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I'm not feeling too well... yes, again. *sighs* I couldn't sleep all night. I was worried sick because I learnt that my ISP will discontinue its service. I am doomed. What am I going to do? I need a flatrate. I positively NEED it. I'm online about 10 hours a day, I can't afford to pay by the minute! And if I switch services, I won't be able to access my email while I'm online, which is inacceptable. So, I'll have to switch everything, including my email. I'm feeling castrated, disowned, desperate. Not very good at all. I really only slept 2 hours or so. And then my cat brought in a mouse and my Mom made me get rid of it since she has a mortal fear of them :-/. Ack, life stinks.

(no subject)

So I just amused myself a bit by answering the posts to the issue of Homosexuality in the Bible-section of ff.net. Now there's waiting patiently who's going to jump in on it! *_*

(no subject)

I don't know why I am so sad. I cried all day for no particular reason. I mean, there always was some reason, but I bet it's nothing to cry over. But still I do... I wanted to die again today. Just fade away. I'm feeling paralyzed. I want to write. So badly, but I'm just feeling so bad...

I love my cat. He's my only comfort. His purring is so gratifying and when I cry into his coat, I'm feeling cleansed. I'm so glad I can be here with him now. My lovely little lynx...

There's something good about it though. I don't feel the slightest impulse to hurt myself. I just want to cry. And that's allowed, isn't it?

Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy SundaySunday is gloomy with shadows, I spent it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad, I know
Let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy SundayDreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart here
Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday