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silversolitaireDid a lot of touristy stuff today. It rained all day. Forgot my boots at my parents', so I had to walk around with me sandals! I got all wet... I don't know why I'm not enjoying anything. We don't sing anymore together and do funny stuff. I feel like a bleak copy of myself. I'm avoiding contact and closeness. I feel like such a terrible person.
Yesterday evening I just wanted to be alone. I need time to be alone. But for my girlfriend, being alone means that something is wrong. If you go to be on your own, you're actually angry or something. So, she won't let me be alone. Not a chance. I feel completely supervised. When I switch on my computer, I feel like a sneaky offender.
So, I told her I want to be alone. She got all worried, came checking back on me every 10 mins. At one point, she asked if she could just sit in the corner and read. I thought 'What's the deal??' and told her I wanted to be alone. She got all sad, saying she just thought since she was in the next room and I was here and we usually were so much apart... She didn't finish that sentence and I just let her go. I'm so terrible...
Why keep I doing this? I'm excluding myself on purpose! I can hear them now, talking with each other next door. They're having fun and I am here in my room. I'm tired of talking, tired of company. And yet I'd love to be part of the fun...
It's just all impossible...
Yesterday evening I just wanted to be alone. I need time to be alone. But for my girlfriend, being alone means that something is wrong. If you go to be on your own, you're actually angry or something. So, she won't let me be alone. Not a chance. I feel completely supervised. When I switch on my computer, I feel like a sneaky offender.
So, I told her I want to be alone. She got all worried, came checking back on me every 10 mins. At one point, she asked if she could just sit in the corner and read. I thought 'What's the deal??' and told her I wanted to be alone. She got all sad, saying she just thought since she was in the next room and I was here and we usually were so much apart... She didn't finish that sentence and I just let her go. I'm so terrible...
Why keep I doing this? I'm excluding myself on purpose! I can hear them now, talking with each other next door. They're having fun and I am here in my room. I'm tired of talking, tired of company. And yet I'd love to be part of the fun...
It's just all impossible...
