(no subject)

[silversolitaire]

Some people may not realize about my that I'm indeed a very sensitive person. I cannot stomach the feeling of rejection at all. It's the number one source for my depression. If I get the feeling that I've been rejected or excluded, no matter if it's true or not, it plunges me in a terrible depression. There are only two people in this world that I can forgive making me depressed. Any other person loses something in my eyes.

I can't help it. I'm insecure. If someone doesn't greet me back on the street I won't greet them next time, probably won't even look at them. If they invite their friends and forget about me, I will never ask them for a date again. If they say they're busy when I call them, I will never call again. It's not because I am angry with them for doing this to me, but because I fear their rejection. Thus, I won't give them another opportunity to do it to me. I have to protect myself.

Yesterday, I wanted to cut myself again. But I didn't do it. So, I guess that's a success. But I was writhing on my bed for half an hour, trying to fight the pain inside of me. I hate this feeling...

Maybe I should hide for a while...

Comments

[kkscatnip.livejournal.com]

i knw how you feel, silver.. i fear rejection a *lot* too.. i think its that natural self protection thing for everyone... gah.. kat tired...

im getting rejected a bit by my friends lately.. not totally, just.. lottle blows offs, you know? it stinks :(

Silver?

[suka.livejournal.com]

I don't really know exactly how you feel (and once again I feel weird just posting here...), but I do know how that is... Rejection, whether it's just in your mind, or not. It's horrible. I'm feeling it right now, with someone I care about a lot, and... it is really awful. I feel like my ups and down depend entirely on her, whether she wants me around or not, and I can't control it, and it hurts. So... I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're not entirely on your own. Hang in there.

It's okay! ^_^

[silversolitaire.livejournal.com]

I don't mind you posting here! Yeah, I know how that is. I get so angry at myself that I make my moods dependent of other people. That really shouldn't be... ?_`: It's a bad habit and it's very painful. And yet... it happens. The more I care about people, the more they have the power to make me feel bad and hurt me. And most of then time they don't even realize that and keep on ripping into me...

Re: It's okay! ^_^

[suka.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you don't mind. ^_^

I know exactly what you mean. And not only do I get angry at myself, I feel really guilty... I feel I have no right to care so much about people that my moods are dependent on them. It sucks. Sometimes I think I should just become a recluse to stop the pain...