Top Ten Canon Controversies

10. How many wives did the good doctor have? [yes who knows, who knows...]
9. Was there a third Holmes brother?
8. Did Holmes love Irene Adler? [Maybe?]
7. After reading about snakes that hear, drink, and climb, baboons that look like writhing children, a murderous cyanea capillata (otherwise known as a jellyfish), a lurcher that waddles, a cannibalistic "coal-black hound, but not such a hound as mortal eyes have ever seen," a giant rat of Sumatra, and a species of worm that is unknown to science, we're supposed to believe this detective agency "stands flat-footed upon the ground"? (SUSS) [nyahahahah!]
6. What is a "bull-pup" (STUD)? [XD, yes I always wondered!]
5. Just what kind of "experience" was it that Watson had with women "over many nations and three separate
continents" (SIGN)? [hopefully none that left him with a STD... XD]
4. Did Moriarty exist? [-.-;]
3. What were Holmes's ethical standards?
2. How smart was Watson? [smart!]
1. For Gosh sake, where was Watson's wound? [hahaha yes where? Chest? Thigh? Arm? Groin???]

Top Ten Most Suggestive Phrases in the Canon:

1. "Mrs. Hudson has been knocked up." (SPEC)
2. "I went to it on my knees." (EMPT)
3. "A sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up." (TWIS) [XD!]
4. "In the bathroom....I have just been there, and I have taken it out." (TWIS)
5. "He seemed to take a fancy to me from the first....one thing led to another." (WIST)
6. "It's lucky for you....or you would find yourself in Queer Street." (SECO) [*spews*]
7. "Still, I confess that I miss my rubber. It is the first Saturday night for seven-and-twenty years that I have not had my rubber." (REDH) [yes, we mustn't forget the rubber...]
8. "I remember nothing until I found myself lying on my bed trembling all over. Then I thought of you, Mr. Holmes." (COPP) [no comment]
9. "I heard a little sigh of satisfaction as he cuddled the butt into his shoulder, and saw that amazing target..." (EMPT) [XD!!!!]
10. "A week later I found myself in Florence." (EMPT) [I've read more suggestive lines than that -.-]

I thought this was funny too:

"There's no better exercise in humility than being constantly berated about your intelligence, writing, and observational skills by a man whom most chronologists agree is two years younger than you and has no college degree."

I'm watching my wonderful Sherlock Holmes series, given to me by my beloved tiger and I'm enjoying it greatly. I want to write down some scenes that amused my muchly or I simply enjoyed for purely aethetic reasons.

First of all, let me tell you how very much I adore Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes. He's simply perfect. His physique is flawless. He has the nose, the hair, the elegant white hands, the thin lips and slender appearance. I adore him. And Brett plays Holmes just as he has been written. He's smart, efficient, chaotic and so rude. It amuses the hell out of me. When he suddenly blares out a comment, making his clients gasp in surprise and in the back you see Watson cover his face and groan. I could see scenes like that every day for the rest of my life and never be bored for a moment.

David Burke also is lovely. I plays a wonderful Watson who's also quite intelligent, but he's also calm and polite, friendly and helpful. He's everything Holmes is not. Just like in the books. So much better than the doofus Watson usually portrayed in your average Sherlock Holmes dramatization, where he follows Holmes like a gaping idiot and adores every step he takes. Not this Watson. He often frowns at Holmes rudenesses, or he smiles softly, knowing about all the quirks and oddities that are Sherlock Holmes. He's also quite prim and squeamish. He hates the mess Holmes leaves everywhere. In "The Dancing Men" Holmes puts a small red book right on top of a bottle. Quite an instable construction and it drives the tidy Watson nuts. He keeps eyeing it, frowning, his fingers itching to remove it, but he checks himself in time, all the time observed by a smiling Holmes. Wonderful...

Now, how shall I name the scenes I liked most when I might as well type up a close recount of every single scene? But I shall try... I love it when Holmes already has gathered all clues and information and leaves it to Watson to do the rest. Like when he is passed a slip of paper in "The Naval Treaty" that contains a sketch of the room, and Holmes but takes a quick glance before passing it on to Watson who then quite bewilderedly receives it, realizing that Holmes had it all memorized the second his eyes met the drawing. Scenes like that are priceless and so manifold. Or when Watson frowns at Holmes' rudeness when he already wanders off, his mind racing with information and clues, completely ignoring the monarch having extended his hand for a handshake.
And of course all the scenes when Holmes is so depressed, like at the beginning of "The Naval Treaty" again, where he's sitting on his chair in front of the empty fireplace, hugging his knees, his hair a terrible mess. Plates with half-eaten sandwiches are littered all over the place, and Holmes has carelessly emptied his pipe on them. Watson comes in and he just sighs, knowing exactly the black mood he's in. This is what made me love Sherlock Holmes. Every time Watson shows concern about Holmes drug abuse, I just want to sigh. He knows why Holmes is taking cocaine and he doesn't approve of it at all, even lectures him on the risks and damages, and yet he understands him and is there to comfort him whenever his mood just drops into this bottomless pit.

Now, I also love the scenes when Holmes abuses Watson as his sidekick. It's very amusing.

[from The Solitary Cyclist]
Holmes: Stop the carriage, Watson!
Watson: *sees wild horse and carriage racing towards him* Er... *runs towards it, struggles, stops it*
Holmes: Good man! *jumps into carriage*
Watson: -.-;

Or whenever Holmes conducts a chemical experience that goes terribly wrong.
H: Watch carefully! *rubs his hands in excitement as he sits down in front of his glass tubes and vials*
W: Oh, I remember! The chemical reaction that will solve the mystery concerning the persecution of Mr. John Vincent Hardy.
H: Precisely. I spent the entire week at the Emperial Science Museum and I think this... this is the answer. *adds a solution*
[smoke is produced, lots of, Watson jumps up, coughing. Smoke wells out from under the door, out of the window. People on the street stop and stare]
W: *opens a window, coughs, gags, hacks* Is that the answer, Holmes?
H: *quiet serious, but also coughing, hanging next to Watson at the window sill* Yes, that is the answer, Watson.

Oh, and those scenes when Watson cleans Holmes' wounds... *purrs* Or when Holmes takes off his jacket to dish out a "straight left against a slugging ruffian". And all the marvellous disguises he wears. Brett is a magnificent actor because even I couldn't recognize him for he had not only obscured his looks but also his manner of speaking and walking. Or the times he cries "Excellent, Watson!" when Watson applied some of Holmes' deduction techniques. Or those tiny, half-a-second smiles Holmes gives when he suddenly thinks of something... Ah... the splendor. I cannot name it.

*cries* Oh the love... how much it hurts...

And I don't mean my cat, whom I love dearly. No, I mean the one who stood as his namesake, my beloved idol Sherlock Holmes. Oh the love... it awakes every now and then. And I do love him, dearly. For as long as I can think, ever since I first opened a book Sherlock Holmes has captured me. I love this character, so much. He's everything a man should be and more. He's brilliant, so so smart. He's a geek, he's an artist who plays the violin wonderfully and who cries at the beauty of music. He has bouts of extreme giddiness where he jumps over chairs and runs down the street, where he gushes on endlessly about a book or a play he's seen. And then he has bouts of extreme sadness, where he curls up on his armchair in his room, hidden away from the world, when only his drug can give him comfort. He can be such a klutz when he tries out combining chemical components and ends up blowing up his entire lab. And he's a faithful friend. How I adore him.

I've read all the books over and over again, I've adored the way they were written and in my head Sherlock became alive. He was my idol and I wanted to be around him forever and always. I've drawn him, written about him, I've written cheesy Mary-Sueish stories (oh my God! I'm guilty! I thought I wasn't, but I am! Thank God I've never showed it to anyone *burns the pages). And of course I've involved him into slash stories. He's my dearest gem, how could I not?

Well, of course the love is stronger every now and then. And sometimes it's very quiet. For the longest time it was very quiet. But now it's burning again, like a raging fire... *sobs* How did that happen, you may ask? I've watched something very trivial. A music video with scenes from Sherlock Holmes movies. It moved me deeply. I had no idea who that actor was! I've never watched Sherlock Holmes movies! Isn't that strange? I've just never bothered! And then... I've seen these scenes and there he was... MY Sherlock! Just like I've always seen him. Handsome, young, ailing, sad, hyper, brilliant, emotional, retreated... my Sherlock... I went off to research and found out that it was Jeremy Brett! The legendary Jeremy Brett who is said to be one of the most influential Sherlock Holmes impersonators of all time. How could I have missed him? And the urge awoke inside of me, this hunger... I must see it, all if it, every movie in existence! I must revel in the beauty that is my Sherlock... now. The urge was so strong that I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. *covers face*

I found out that the complete DVD set is available at amazon.co.uk [even worse, play.com had it available within 24 hrs! I even had it in my shopping basket already! Oh help me God!]. Everything I need. But it's so expensive... 120 pounds! *shakes head* I could probably buy it once I got paid, but I'm notoriously broke... And my parents wouldn't understand it. Of course they wouldn't. They'd say "Why on earth do you spend so much money when you always say you're broke?" And of coure my dad would get mad and demand I pay the repair on my car myself when he said he's going to help me now. It wouldn't be fair. I see it, yes... But I can't stop thinking about it. I want it so badly... T_T *curls up*

Isn't it horrible? It's my birthday in less than two weeks and I have not even an inkling of a chance of hoping that I'd get this. Just because my parents never give me such expensive gifts... I hardly ever get something I really want... ;_; I always have to buy everything myself. And now I can't... the pain... I need more money T_T. *cries more*

I shouldn't be like that... but I can't control it. I'm addicted to Sherlock Holmes... I need to distract myself... somehow...