It's so lonely in the saddle since the horse died, or why LJ is such a lonely place sometimes

[silversolitaire]

Today I realized for the first time the downside of Livejournal. Or maybe I've known this before, but it's just bothering me now, I suppose. For today I have realized that LJ can be a very single-sided thing in terms of keeping contact with friends, as you are, as a regular LJ user, supplying people with updates and information about your life, thus satisfying their curiosity (should they care) without having to take an active effort to find out about it. In the "old days" you had to talk to a friend regularily or write them letters / emails in order to keep them close. Nowadays you can basically ignore them for all you care since you can just check out LJ every now and then to be informed. Of course, this is the main reason why I got LJ. I just couldn't keep up with all my contacts, really, and I didn't care that much about writing updates on my life to every person I wanted to keep posted. It was quite troublesome. So I thought it'd probably be nice to just write it for everyone.

LJ works very nicely when it's a two-sided thing. When you write about your life and can read about your friends' life in return. When people don't bother to really update though it isn't nice anymore. It rather becomes a nuisance. You supply people with personal information without really noticing anybody cares.

I realize I'm preaching in underwear. I know I've committed the same things I'm complaining right now, but hell, it bugs me. It once more prompts the desire to make my journal friends only. But alas, what a hassle it would be. And not only that, it wouldn't really get to the core of the problem, would it. Since your LJ friends can be the problem. So, what does one do in such an occasion? Keep the "What's going on in my life" extremely private and only share with people who you know will appreciate it? Stop posting it? Go completely private? What? And are there people at all who aren't on your friends list who like to be updated on your life. If so, wow! Why didn't you notice before and why don't they ever come forward?

So many things... I'm torn. I have this journal for myself. When I write long personal entries I do that to record them for myself and knowing that some friend might read it gives it a little bit more purpose. Otherwise this journal probably would die as fast as any other paper journal I tried to keep before. But somehow this is really perverted. Pouring your heart out to people you don't really know and who will probably show sympathy whereas people who are really close to you and who you'd expect to care don't react at all. This is what really makes me hesitate to increase the privacy level. The most honest and heartfelt responses I have received from people who weren't among my immediate circle of friends and it's also what touched me the most. I'd hate to shut out these people. All the same, if I tried to avoid that I'd have to post one of these wretched "If you want to be in my super private mystery filter please leave a comment so I feel really special, teehee" messages, and I'd abhor that. I can't do what I hate seeing other people do, can I?

*sighs* Wish I knew what to do. Also wish I had thought about the security level more over the past months. Then I wouldn't have to be worried about giving Li the URL to my LJ now... Ah yes...

Comments

[kmazzy.livejournal.com]

if you have to make one of those 'comment to be added' posts then you'd be doing it for good reasons, not just to have your ego stroked.

by the way, the phrase 'preaching in underwear' made me giggle. it's kind of funny. and i understand what you're saying but had never heard that phrase before.

*hugsandlove*

[silversolitaire.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

I assume, "preaching in one's underwear" is a Puerto Rican saying. Li used to say it a lot and I like it because it perfectly describes what I'm trying to say.

And yeah, I supposed I'd have my reasons. But it's still a bit annoying when people do that.

[kribban.livejournal.com]

ALL RIGHT! All right, I'll update! Yeesh!

[jessibean.livejournal.com]

I think about making my LJ friends-only (again), and to be honest, I'm not really sure why I don't. I guess I feel that the people that come to read my journal that don't have one of their own (i have like, two friends that do that, that's it ;_;) must care an awful lot to go through the hassle. Of course, I probably would make it friends-only if my ex-stalker-bitch ever came back >_>

But yeah, your journal is for you, not for your friends ;_; you should do with it what you feel is right

[jessindistress.livejournal.com]

I totally, totally understand what you're talking about here...

((hugs))

~Jess

[zyre.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean - I have a friend, a really wonderful friend, in fact, and we used to email each other several times a day just...with things. And she got an lj and we haven't emailed each other in probably over a month, and I miss it a lot.

But! I mean, I do know that she's alive, which is nice, lol.