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silversolitaire) wrote2001-12-05 05:51 pm
'nother article on Snapeypooh...
Severus Snape, Love God
'Harry Potter' potions master finds an infatuated following on the Web
by Neva Chonin, special to SF Gate
Tuesday, December 4, 2001
©2001 SF Gate
URL: http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/chonin/
"Hurry up, Pothead," Professor Snape hissed, circling him like a vulture
above a dying animal. "Do what I told you to do. Now." "Yes, sir," he said,
bending over until he was eye level with Snape's leather boots. -- A
certain young wizard meets his master in "Happy Pothead and
the Fornicating Phoenix."
Two years ago I interviewed J.K. Rowling and discovered, to my delight, that
Harry Potter's authorial mom was a punk-rock fan from back in the day. We
spent a half-hour sitting in a hotel restaurant eating toast and drooling
over Joe Strummer and other scrappy icons of the '70s. (I think we were
supposed to be discussing wizardry and its discontents. So sue me.)
Sharing crushes is fun. If I ever interview her again, I'll have to tell
Rowling about my recent and infinitely madder infatuation with one of her
own characters, Severus Snape -- the sardonic potions master at Hogwarts
School For Witchcraft and Wizardry. It's a tough thing for an adult to admit, being all
crushed out on a fictional wizard, even with Alan Rickman -- oh, fey
delectability! -- filling his cinematic black shoes and adding an edge to
the fluffy screen adaptation of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone."
Fortunately, I have plenty of company. A quick search on Google and Yahoo!
shows there are thousands of Snape acolytes out there gushing over Hogwarts'
dark 'n' scary love god. The Web site for "The Fire
Works: Ode to the Furious One," for instance, overflows with posts to a
message board called the Society for Admirers of Severus Snape (SASS), all
of them dissecting the finer points of the master's delicious nastiness.
How to describe his appeal? He's like Trent Reznor embellished with a
melodious British accent, a heap of magic potions and a Victorian wardrobe.
He's a droll badass. He loathes children (especially Harry). He lives in a
dungeon. Let's face it: As Syrena, webmistress of Severus Snape's Slytherin Society
-- home of a rabid Snape-discussion forum and some fabulous graphics --
points out, he's just plain hot.
"I love men in black robes," she writes in an e-mail, "and I love the
imagery of Snape swooping about the Hogwarts halls like a bat, bearing down
on any students that may be out of bed after hours. His long, greasy hair,
hawklike nose and glittering black eyes only complement the image."
The Sexy, Sensual,
Seductive Severus Snape Society also sums up the Greasy One's appeal
nicely in its "Sexy Severus Snape Sorting Hat Song": "You can keep your
Sirius Black / Your Lupin sleek and tall / For he's the sexiest Master / And
he can top them all."
If his fans are passionately vocal, so is the fictional character they adore
-- and just about every other character from the "Harry Potter" series. The
Net is alive with the sound of moaning from the mouths of Snape, Harry and
the rest of the Hogwarts crew, thanks to slashy fan fictions presenting them
in intriguing combinations such as Harry/Ron, Harry/Ron/Hermione, Headmaster
Dumbledore/anything he can get and Snape/whoever strikes his fancy.
Pieces of Potter erotica (or is it Potterotica?) limning the sex lives of
Hogwarts wizards and witches -- straight, gay or a bit of both -- are
proliferating like mushrooms in a dungeon, most of them creatively
fast-forwarded to a time when all parties are safely over the age of
consent. (This hasn't prevented them from coming under the disapproving
scrutiny of Warner Bros. lawyers, however, according to a recent article in the Chronicle.
Just in case the Muggles Ministry of Censorship is watching, I would like to
point out that my beloved Snape is of legal age. And he has prompted some whopping doses of Potterotica. The results often
alternate between inspiration and hilarity. A shining sample of the latter
can be found in Rune Scriptor's parody, "Happy Pothead and the Fornicating
Phoenix":
Master Snape stretched leisurely, like a cat just finished with a nap,
and ran his hands along his tight, ass-hugging black leather pants. His
long-sleeved shirt billowed in the wind of his students' lusty sighs. With a
cord of thin leather, he tied back his oily hair in a ponytail, his gestures
smooth and suggestive; several more students fainted.
J.K. Rowling would probably faint, too. After all, if she can appreciate the
charms of the Clash's crater-mouthed lead singer, she should be capable of
wallowing in the wiles of a sleek Gothic greasebomb. Yo, Jo, next time the
toast is on me. We have to talk. Meanwhile, picture a dungeon. A master. A
pupil. Visualize a little punk transgression. Children's literature just
doesn't get better than this:
"Excellent," Snape said in a whisper. He bent slowly and inserted his
slender fingers into the mouth of his leather boot. His eyes on Happy, he
straightened, drawing out a silver-handled whip. "If you move," he whispered
in Happy's right ear, "I will whip you." Happy stood there motionless for a
moment longer. Then, deliberately, with a smile pulling at the corners of
his mouth, he raised his hand.
Neva Chonin writes about music and culture and technology and stuff for the San Francisco Chronicle, Rolling Stone and other publications.
LOL at caption of Sev-pic:
"Severus Snape, Love God / 'Harry Potter' potions master finds an infatuated following on the Web.
The Object Of Desire: The greasy one himself, Severus Snape, as played by Alan Rickman in the film version of 'Harry Potter.' "
no subject
no subject
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Where find?
*attempts to look pleading*
That, uh, sounds promising....