silversolitaire (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
silversolitaire) wrote2002-07-21 01:47 pm
silversolitaire) wrote2002-07-21 01:47 pm
*sighs*
Yesterday, I went to meet with X's parents. It was very nice, in a way. We had a very pleasant chat. Marc, X's brother, was there too. He's nice, so different from how he was when I first met him. He was taking a lot of pills though. Anti-depressant... His dad made a very good cake. This sounds so trivial, but it's true. He makes very nice cakes. That's where X got his talent from... *sighs*
So, it was a really nice afternoon. But then later his dad began to whip out the photos.. He had pics of the car and the accident and the site and all... I refused to look at them though. Terrible... he even described the corpse to my parents! T_T Thank God I wasn't in the room then. My dad said he got the impression he was even going to show them pictures of the corpse! T_T I really don't get them. They have a weird way of dealing with the pain. Of course, after I knew that my dad knew what the corpse looked like, I had to know it too. So I asked him to tell me. He said I didn't want to know, but I did. So he told me in the car and I cried a little. And now I will forget it again. This is not how I shall remember him.
I only looked at the portfolio of his works and some of his pictures... That was already more than I could bear. One of his peers had created a little album with pics of him. It was so sad... I mean, the pics were nice but in the end there was this rhyme about someone leaving and it had a pic of X walking into the distance, down an alley... God, it was so sad... I tried so hard not to cry. I didn't want to make his parents sad again. They seemed to be very calm. Only his mother sobbed once. And I knew that if I started crying, they'd cry too and I didn't want to do that to them. It was very strenuous...
All the while I was tempted to say "Okay, this was all very nice. I got it. Let's now just call the whole thing off and go back to where X is alive and I'll just call him up and we'll have a coffee together and talk about the old times. Isn't that possible... please?" I wanted to say that all the time. It just doesn't seem real. I still don't really believe it...
So, it was a really nice afternoon. But then later his dad began to whip out the photos.. He had pics of the car and the accident and the site and all... I refused to look at them though. Terrible... he even described the corpse to my parents! T_T Thank God I wasn't in the room then. My dad said he got the impression he was even going to show them pictures of the corpse! T_T I really don't get them. They have a weird way of dealing with the pain. Of course, after I knew that my dad knew what the corpse looked like, I had to know it too. So I asked him to tell me. He said I didn't want to know, but I did. So he told me in the car and I cried a little. And now I will forget it again. This is not how I shall remember him.
I only looked at the portfolio of his works and some of his pictures... That was already more than I could bear. One of his peers had created a little album with pics of him. It was so sad... I mean, the pics were nice but in the end there was this rhyme about someone leaving and it had a pic of X walking into the distance, down an alley... God, it was so sad... I tried so hard not to cry. I didn't want to make his parents sad again. They seemed to be very calm. Only his mother sobbed once. And I knew that if I started crying, they'd cry too and I didn't want to do that to them. It was very strenuous...
All the while I was tempted to say "Okay, this was all very nice. I got it. Let's now just call the whole thing off and go back to where X is alive and I'll just call him up and we'll have a coffee together and talk about the old times. Isn't that possible... please?" I wanted to say that all the time. It just doesn't seem real. I still don't really believe it...