silversolitaire (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
silversolitaire) wrote2001-10-06 01:03 pm
silversolitaire) wrote2001-10-06 01:03 pm
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Last night I had the strangest dreams, take 5 or so.
I dreamt about Alex last night. I told her all the things I wanted to tell her and she told me all there was to say. Like, she was dating a black girl now! o_O Weird idea. And that she had another girlfriend before that. So, I kinda missed two girlfriends. And about her job and all that. We talked about everything...
Sometimes I think I am a bad friend. Maybe I don't give people enough support. I sometimes think that. Like... when she wanted to go to Japan. I wasn't supportive. I told her that she'd never make it (well, not like that, but indirectly). And I really thought that. I tend to give my own insecurities over to my friends... that's bad.
Like, I don't rate my own stuff very highly. It's always not as good as others, to me, because... well, it's mine. I see the chances to ever have someone acknowledge what I do equal zero. It just seems... weird. Why should something that *I* have done ever be published? Doesn't make sense. Besides, I'm rational, I know how marginal the chances are, yadda-yadda. That's me.
Now, I tend to give that feeling to my friends, I believe. That's not good. Like, my girlfriend's comic. God, she's good. She really is. But... not good enough. I'm saying that completely objective now. It's just not publishing material yet. She's getting there, but she's not quite there yet. She has a way too unprofessional working style for that. I just can't see anyone wanted to publish it the way it is now, with bad lettering and obviously badly drawn panel borders etc.
Plus, she wants to do manga. Now, how likely is that? She could never compete with the Japanese market. She can't even speak Japanese enough to make it completely in Japanese, nor does she master comic tones or anything. She doesn't draw the panels right to left either, for that matter.
So, all that tells me that there's no chance in hell this is ever going to be published. And she's killing herself over it! I try to be supportive, but deep inside I don't think this'll ever lead anywhere. I mean, I know everyone has started somewhere. I bet the greatest mangaka have started like that. But that's all it is yet. A start. And... that's what it is to me.
But maybe I should be more supportive? Believe that it'll always have the best results? I wonder if I can do that...
I should have the same belief in my own stuff. Like, I wouldn't dare to publish any of my comics, just because they don't meet my own standards. I have drawn comics all my life. I've always wanted to be a comic artist, as long as I can think. But yet I've never pursued it. I've always seen people who are so much better than me, so why even bother trying? But then again I see people who just go for it, throw out their stuff, even though some drawings are screwed and the perspective weird here and there. And it's still great! Because it's unique and the idea is right.
I wish I had that confidence...
Sometimes I think I am a bad friend. Maybe I don't give people enough support. I sometimes think that. Like... when she wanted to go to Japan. I wasn't supportive. I told her that she'd never make it (well, not like that, but indirectly). And I really thought that. I tend to give my own insecurities over to my friends... that's bad.
Like, I don't rate my own stuff very highly. It's always not as good as others, to me, because... well, it's mine. I see the chances to ever have someone acknowledge what I do equal zero. It just seems... weird. Why should something that *I* have done ever be published? Doesn't make sense. Besides, I'm rational, I know how marginal the chances are, yadda-yadda. That's me.
Now, I tend to give that feeling to my friends, I believe. That's not good. Like, my girlfriend's comic. God, she's good. She really is. But... not good enough. I'm saying that completely objective now. It's just not publishing material yet. She's getting there, but she's not quite there yet. She has a way too unprofessional working style for that. I just can't see anyone wanted to publish it the way it is now, with bad lettering and obviously badly drawn panel borders etc.
Plus, she wants to do manga. Now, how likely is that? She could never compete with the Japanese market. She can't even speak Japanese enough to make it completely in Japanese, nor does she master comic tones or anything. She doesn't draw the panels right to left either, for that matter.
So, all that tells me that there's no chance in hell this is ever going to be published. And she's killing herself over it! I try to be supportive, but deep inside I don't think this'll ever lead anywhere. I mean, I know everyone has started somewhere. I bet the greatest mangaka have started like that. But that's all it is yet. A start. And... that's what it is to me.
But maybe I should be more supportive? Believe that it'll always have the best results? I wonder if I can do that...
I should have the same belief in my own stuff. Like, I wouldn't dare to publish any of my comics, just because they don't meet my own standards. I have drawn comics all my life. I've always wanted to be a comic artist, as long as I can think. But yet I've never pursued it. I've always seen people who are so much better than me, so why even bother trying? But then again I see people who just go for it, throw out their stuff, even though some drawings are screwed and the perspective weird here and there. And it's still great! Because it's unique and the idea is right.
I wish I had that confidence...