silversolitaire: (silly)
To all you dieting folks out there!

Dear Carbs,

I miss you so much. It's only been a week but I just can't get you out of my mind. Fruits and vegetables are boring. Who wants to eat a parsnip? Nobody. Mashed potatoes, biscuits, lasagne (sp?)! Mmmm. Oh man, I've got to stop thinking about you. I'll go crazy!!! I promise I'll be back after my high school reunion.

Yours,
Bob

P.S.: I love you!




Dear Fruits,

It's killing me that I have to eat five servings of you every day. Pears are so gross. Stupid guys who made that food pyramid. I bet they think they're so smart. I'd like to shove a pear up their butts. Now I know why there's Starburst and Jew Jew Bees (sp?). It's because you're not good enough the way you are. I wish Frankenberry cereal was considered a fruit. Then at least I'd have a puzzle or a maze to complete while I ate you.

Whatever,
Bob




Dear Vegetables,

Now I know why braindead people are named after you and not rocks. At least rocks don't taste like DESPAIR. You know why broccoli is shaped like a cartoon fart? Because it smells like something that came out of Andy Capp's ass. Yeah, take a look at yourself, you poor excuse of a nourishment. Look at an onion. It makes you cry. And then you have to put something else into your mouth so your wife won't run away screaming! Stupid! Wheat grass? Feet grass! FUCK YOU!!!!

Bob


From here. Although the rest isn't really that funny. I just felt like quoting this bit because I can totally relate. Well, I do like vegetables, and onions too, but broccoli is gross and sometimes veggies really do taste a bit like despair... *g*
silversolitaire: (Eleven)
Sometimes my googling scares me... So, Beely was bored. No f-list updates, no new mails (other than spam and JB-ML rambling about how cute John Barrowman looks with hairgel). Always a bad combination. So I started snooping around random sites. As Tom always points out, I have the uncanny ability to dig up stuff that will upset me or gross me out.

Allow me to demonstrate. I was looking around and ended up finding this. If you know me, I have this weird phobia paired with fascination regarding giants / large statues. They freak me out, really freak me out, yet I can't stop looking at them. Now this guy, he calls himself a hyperrealistic artist and what he does is both fascinating, very skillful and oh so frightening! D: This gallery here is all in Russian, but it shows better pictures of the exhibits. If you want to read up on the guy, here's the wiki entry.

Needless to say, I find all the giants he made extremely scary. And oh God, what's with that mask thing??? The last image on the Washington Post gallery. Oh... My... God.

Weirdo art somehow brought me on the subject of this: Unpop Art! Now, I love Pop Art, so the concept of Unpop Art seems fascinating. And I have to say, a lot of pieces in the galleries are fascinating and interesting. Many others however are lame, borderlining disgusting, others clearly have crossed that line. I'd like to issue a clear warning that you shouldn't browse the galleries if you're easily upsettable by offensive images, also including pictures of real dead people. Yeah, some people are sick fucks.

Ignoring the pieces that obviously are of little artistic merit, I must say some I thought were pretty neat. Like this, a kitschy porcellain gun with Jesus on it. As a matter of fact, I found all pieces by Charles Krafft kinda interesting. Such as this bio grenade, or the onion pattern grenades, or the Forgiveness perfume bottle. Or this piece by Boyd Rice, Love. I'm so torn on the entire issue of using nazi and war imagery like that, yet it's fascinating.

Then, as a literature major this one amused me endlessly: (caution, artistic porn). "After the Staircase", of course alluding to "Nu Descendant un Escalier" (Nude Descending a Staircase) by Marcel Duchamp, the very painting said to have made William Carlos Williams, grand master of the Imagism, laugh and realize the ramnifications of impressionism at the famous Armory Show.

Interlude!

My favorite poem by W.C. William:

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.

Continue!

So, there actually are some really good pieces among that. Then of course there's some kind of freakish stuff too, like this one titled "Cairn Creek" by Beth Moore-Love. Again, warning, it's not really gross or explicit, but it shows a naked child in a somewhat pictoresque yet strangely grotesque surrounding. I don't really get this painting to be honest. Do you? I feel like it should tell me something, but I don't know what. Maybe it'd work better if it was larger. The same artist also has another painting later on which is... strange at best.

And then there's this stuff by Caleb Weintraub which I'm telling you right now you should steer absolutely clear of if you're queasy, even when it's only painted. I'm usually not queasy about stuff that's obviously not real. But this painting here called Inch by Inch scared the living daylights out of me. It's explicitly gory, despite the blood being pink, but the thing that really did me in is that insane, murderous expression on that child's face. I'm seriously scared now of going to work tomorrow! (asdgashkk just clicked the link again accidentally and the painting popped up in front of my eyes. trauma...). That guy is one sick fuck. He only paints stuff like that it seems! Children mutilating adults... what gives?? No, I don't get this at all. I do recognize the artist's talent though.

The site also features a bunch of puppets modelled after real life people with grotesquely shaped faces such as Brian Peppers. I thought that was extremely well done and really captured his looks. Wouldn't want that doll sitting around at my place, but it's definitely interesting.

Now, leaving the paths of the features artists, I moved on from there to the Readymades which actually wasn't all that bad. Really made you wonder what's going on in some people's heads though since most of these pieces weren't made to intentionally offend (some clearly were though). There, I revisited the oh so famous Hansi, the Girl Who Loved the Swastika. Nothing new to the internet pro, but the cool thing is that I found a link for the entire comic! Wow! Now that was enlightening. It's just so seriously on crack, I'm lost for words. If you've ever wondered about a girl's development from Über-Nazi to American Christian biblethumper, this is your answer! There are just so many parts... I could quote the whole damn thing! So, do check it out, it's hilarious.

My romp through the world of strange art was concluded with this site featuring vintage (and now probably illegal) porn pulp fiction that would make House weep with joy. Who doesn't want to read timeless classics such as "Dog-Raped Women" or "Beast-Raped Mom And Daughter"?

I hope you enjoyed this little tour. If you're traumatized now, here's a picture of a Carebear. (You know, that's actually funny. I said these very words to Tom earlier: "Okay stopping now. I'd google carebears but somehow I think I'd find sick shit too." Now that I did... Boy, I was so right...)
silversolitaire: (LOL)
This is something I'd love to have for the lid of my laptop! :D

This is just too cool for words! The real Kwik-E-Mart! I'm just ridiculously excited looking at all this and I wish I could stroll through the aisles... Buzz Cola and Krusty O's! How cool is that???

In a slightly similar vein, The Simpsons go WoW! Well, technically, it's not WoW but it just all rings so true! *g* Tom and I have decided that this must be a fantastic MMORPG since apparently there are no noobs in this game! Even people like Burns know how to do the basic things and are fairly civil about it!

And last, but not least... Have you ever wondering about the dancing in WoW? Well, wonder no more! This neat little clip shows most of the available dance styles and compares them to their real life example. I knew most of them, but I had no idea that the male blood elves do the Napoleon Dynamite dance! And wtf are those Bollywood people? Hahaha... hilarious!
silversolitaire: (hehehe)
I've first seen this imagine in the [livejournal.com profile] randompictures community and thought it was some stupid manip, so I didn't really give it much further thought. Also, the moron who posted it first had disallowed comments which kinda makes me ignore a post per default since that just seems annoyingly spammy.

Anyway, now I've actually found some decent information about this and it just makes me laugh! Hahaha. Check this out. Turns out the guys from that show just ran some quick Google image search and didn't really check what they were putting on the air... hahhaha.

And as a bonus, check out the comment thread below on that page. That's even funnier than the whole issue. "Then it is settled. Mark sucks." Hahaha...
silversolitaire: (huggle)
Yatta: http://www.verylowsodium.com/fanimutation/exuberance.php
Trazan: http://www.btinternet.com/~david.st/b3ta
Hatten: http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf

Hm... there was this other one with the falling guy who was lying smashed into the ground in the end... what was that again? Another oddball Japanese song... Can't remember.

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February 2009

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