silversolitaire: (silly)
To all you dieting folks out there!

Dear Carbs,

I miss you so much. It's only been a week but I just can't get you out of my mind. Fruits and vegetables are boring. Who wants to eat a parsnip? Nobody. Mashed potatoes, biscuits, lasagne (sp?)! Mmmm. Oh man, I've got to stop thinking about you. I'll go crazy!!! I promise I'll be back after my high school reunion.

Yours,
Bob

P.S.: I love you!




Dear Fruits,

It's killing me that I have to eat five servings of you every day. Pears are so gross. Stupid guys who made that food pyramid. I bet they think they're so smart. I'd like to shove a pear up their butts. Now I know why there's Starburst and Jew Jew Bees (sp?). It's because you're not good enough the way you are. I wish Frankenberry cereal was considered a fruit. Then at least I'd have a puzzle or a maze to complete while I ate you.

Whatever,
Bob




Dear Vegetables,

Now I know why braindead people are named after you and not rocks. At least rocks don't taste like DESPAIR. You know why broccoli is shaped like a cartoon fart? Because it smells like something that came out of Andy Capp's ass. Yeah, take a look at yourself, you poor excuse of a nourishment. Look at an onion. It makes you cry. And then you have to put something else into your mouth so your wife won't run away screaming! Stupid! Wheat grass? Feet grass! FUCK YOU!!!!

Bob


From here. Although the rest isn't really that funny. I just felt like quoting this bit because I can totally relate. Well, I do like vegetables, and onions too, but broccoli is gross and sometimes veggies really do taste a bit like despair... *g*
silversolitaire: (hmmm)
"I don't claim a lot of experience with crying women, but in stories I read, the man always holds the woman close and lets her cry. And it always turns out to have been the wise, understanding thing to do; I've never heard of a single authenticated case where the wise, understanding thing was to distract her with card tricks or tickling her feet. So I was wise and understanding: I held Becky close and let her cry, because I didn't know what else to do or say."

- Jack Finney, "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers", p. 47
silversolitaire: (hehehe)
Someone posted this to [livejournal.com profile] randompictures and I can't stop laughing about it!

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refridgerator


XD
silversolitaire: (Default)
Just found this on YouTube and googled it because I thought it sounded poetic. Here's the full text and a translation.

cut for video )

In der Nacht aufbrechen und in den Morgen fahren.
Noch ein paar Stunden und ich bin bei dir.
Autobahn im Morgengrauen. Tausend Möglichkeiten. Ich fahre geradeaus.
Was mich aus der Bahn wirft, hat mich schon oft auf den richtigen Weg gebracht.
Dein Leben liegt vor dir. Ich entscheide. Hab Respekt! Es kann nichts passieren.
Ich bin glücklich. Verzeih mir meine Fehler. Entscheide dich, wohin du willst. Bleib wach! Ich fahre an gestern vorbei.
Immer geradeaus. Ich mach mich auf den Weg, fahre einfach den Lichtern nach. Mach Fehler und lerne aus ihnen!
Es wird hell. Noch ein paar Stunden und ich bin bei dir. Es kann nichts passieren.
Jede Wegkreuzung eine Einladung, um woanders anzukommen.
Die Zukunft gehört uns gemeinsam. Ich fahre mir selbst entgegen.

To leave at night and drive into the morning.
Just a couple of hours more and I'll be with you.
Highway at the crack of dawn. A thousand possibilities. I'm driving straight ahead.
What throws me off track has often put me back on course.
Your life is ahead of you. I decide. Be respectful! Nothing can happen.
I am happy. Forgive me my mistakes. Decide where you want to go. Stay awake! I'm driving past yesterday.
Always straight ahead. I'm on my way, just followng the lights. Make mistakes and learn from them.
It's dawning. Just a couple of hours more and I'll be with you. Nothing can happen now.
Every crossing is an invitation to arrive somewhere else.
The future belongs to both of us. I'm driving to meet with myself.
silversolitaire: (banana)
Following this entire debate over whether Bin Laden really is dead or not, my bro and I had an amusing conversation last night:

Me: "This is ridiculous. As if not having any sign of life from him for a while means anything. The US has been looking for years without one. Imagine, maybe this is a ruse to make him come out of hiding, going 'Hey, I'm not dead!' and then the US goes, 'But we can fix that!'."
He: "Well, he's learned his lesson from Monty Python. At least he hasn't gotten up."

XD
silversolitaire: (bushed)
"You’re not hurt, Watson? For God’s sake, say that you are not hurt!"

It was worth a wound - it was worth many wounds - to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.
- The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes, "The Three Garridebs"
silversolitaire: (huggle)
I'm watching my wonderful Sherlock Holmes series, given to me by my beloved tiger and I'm enjoying it greatly. I want to write down some scenes that amused my muchly or I simply enjoyed for purely aethetic reasons.

First of all, let me tell you how very much I adore Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes. He's simply perfect. His physique is flawless. He has the nose, the hair, the elegant white hands, the thin lips and slender appearance. I adore him. And Brett plays Holmes just as he has been written. He's smart, efficient, chaotic and so rude. It amuses the hell out of me. When he suddenly blares out a comment, making his clients gasp in surprise and in the back you see Watson cover his face and groan. I could see scenes like that every day for the rest of my life and never be bored for a moment.

David Burke also is lovely. I plays a wonderful Watson who's also quite intelligent, but he's also calm and polite, friendly and helpful. He's everything Holmes is not. Just like in the books. So much better than the doofus Watson usually portrayed in your average Sherlock Holmes dramatization, where he follows Holmes like a gaping idiot and adores every step he takes. Not this Watson. He often frowns at Holmes rudenesses, or he smiles softly, knowing about all the quirks and oddities that are Sherlock Holmes. He's also quite prim and squeamish. He hates the mess Holmes leaves everywhere. In "The Dancing Men" Holmes puts a small red book right on top of a bottle. Quite an instable construction and it drives the tidy Watson nuts. He keeps eyeing it, frowning, his fingers itching to remove it, but he checks himself in time, all the time observed by a smiling Holmes. Wonderful...

Now, how shall I name the scenes I liked most when I might as well type up a close recount of every single scene? But I shall try... I love it when Holmes already has gathered all clues and information and leaves it to Watson to do the rest. Like when he is passed a slip of paper in "The Naval Treaty" that contains a sketch of the room, and Holmes but takes a quick glance before passing it on to Watson who then quite bewilderedly receives it, realizing that Holmes had it all memorized the second his eyes met the drawing. Scenes like that are priceless and so manifold. Or when Watson frowns at Holmes' rudeness when he already wanders off, his mind racing with information and clues, completely ignoring the monarch having extended his hand for a handshake.
And of course all the scenes when Holmes is so depressed, like at the beginning of "The Naval Treaty" again, where he's sitting on his chair in front of the empty fireplace, hugging his knees, his hair a terrible mess. Plates with half-eaten sandwiches are littered all over the place, and Holmes has carelessly emptied his pipe on them. Watson comes in and he just sighs, knowing exactly the black mood he's in. This is what made me love Sherlock Holmes. Every time Watson shows concern about Holmes drug abuse, I just want to sigh. He knows why Holmes is taking cocaine and he doesn't approve of it at all, even lectures him on the risks and damages, and yet he understands him and is there to comfort him whenever his mood just drops into this bottomless pit.

Now, I also love the scenes when Holmes abuses Watson as his sidekick. It's very amusing.

[from The Solitary Cyclist]
Holmes: Stop the carriage, Watson!
Watson: *sees wild horse and carriage racing towards him* Er... *runs towards it, struggles, stops it*
Holmes: Good man! *jumps into carriage*
Watson: -.-;

Or whenever Holmes conducts a chemical experience that goes terribly wrong.
H: Watch carefully! *rubs his hands in excitement as he sits down in front of his glass tubes and vials*
W: Oh, I remember! The chemical reaction that will solve the mystery concerning the persecution of Mr. John Vincent Hardy.
H: Precisely. I spent the entire week at the Emperial Science Museum and I think this... this is the answer. *adds a solution*
[smoke is produced, lots of, Watson jumps up, coughing. Smoke wells out from under the door, out of the window. People on the street stop and stare]
W: *opens a window, coughs, gags, hacks* Is that the answer, Holmes?
H: *quiet serious, but also coughing, hanging next to Watson at the window sill* Yes, that is the answer, Watson.

Oh, and those scenes when Watson cleans Holmes' wounds... *purrs* Or when Holmes takes off his jacket to dish out a "straight left against a slugging ruffian". And all the marvellous disguises he wears. Brett is a magnificent actor because even I couldn't recognize him for he had not only obscured his looks but also his manner of speaking and walking. Or the times he cries "Excellent, Watson!" when Watson applied some of Holmes' deduction techniques. Or those tiny, half-a-second smiles Holmes gives when he suddenly thinks of something... Ah... the splendor. I cannot name it.
silversolitaire: (huggle)
"What a lovely thing a rose is!"

He walked past the couch to the open window and held up the drooping stalk of a moss-rose, looking down at the dainty blend of crimson and green. It was a new phase of his character to me, for I had never before seen him show any keen interest in natural objects.

"There is nothing in which deduction is so necessary as in religion," said he, leaning with his back against the shutters. "It can be built up as an exact science by the reasoner. Our highest assurance of the goodness of Providence seems to me to rest in the flowers. All other things, our powers, our desires, our food, are all really necessary for our existence in the first instance. But this rose is an extra. Its smell and its colour are an embellishment of life, not a condition of it. It is only goodness which gives extras, and so I say again that we have much to hope from the flowers."
Sherlock Holmes in The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, "The Naval Treaty"
silversolitaire: (Default)
Enough of the pursuit of pleasure,
Enough of wealth and righteous deeds!

In the dark forest of the world
What peace of mind can they bring you?
-Ashtavakra Gita 10:7

* * *

Say, "Humankind! The Truth has come to you from
your Lord. He that follows it for the good of his own
soul, and whosoever goes astray does so to his own
detriment. I am not a warder over you."
-Qur'an, Yunus, Surah 10:108

* * *

Security is not the absence of danger, but the
presence of God, no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous
silversolitaire: (Default)
Taken from this book:

Some of the best two-headed headlines are those in which an inadvertent pun lifts the message from the blandly literal to the sublimely absurd:
DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

DEFENDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE

DOCTOR TESTIFIES IN HORSE SUIT

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUNDOWN JAYWALKERS

POLICE DISCOVER CRACK IN AUSTRALIA

TUNA BITING OFF WASHINGTON COAST

STIFF OPPOSITION EXPECTED TO CASKETLESS FUNERAL PLAN

U.S. AUDIT FINDS FUNDS FOR YOUTH MISSPENT

MAN HELD OVER GIANT L.A. BRUSH FIRE

TRAFFIC DEAD RISE SLOWLY

U'S FOOD SERVICE
FEEDS THOUSANDS,
GROSSES MILLIONS

MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER

S. FLORIDA ILLEGAL ALIENS CUT IN HALF BY NEW LAW

CARRIBEAN ISLANDS DRIFT TO LEFT

HERSHEY BARS PROTEST
When a newspaper goes out wearing the wrong banner, its messages can become unwittingly suggestive:
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

PROSTITUTE APPEAL TO POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

NUNS DROP SUIT; BISHOPS AGREE TO AID THEM
Sometimes the galley gaffe issues from a confusion in grammar:
BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET, BUT MORE LIES AHEAD

LAWYERS GIVE POOR FREE LEGAL ADVISE

ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

FUND SET UP FOR BEATING VICTIM'S KIN

FINE YOUNG MAN CONVICTED OF MISDEMEANOR

TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 10 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER
Occasionally, a deformed headline takes on a meaning that is exactly the opposite of the one intended:
AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY; LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER
And sometimes the headline illuminates the painfully obvious:
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH CUTS EFFICIENCY

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

HALF OF U.S. HIGH SCHOOLS REQUIRE SOME STUDY FOR GRADUATION

CHILD'S DEATH RUINS COUPLE'S HOLIDAY

BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS

MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN

ENDFIELD COUPLE SLAIN: POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS, FEELINGS OF ISOLATION
silversolitaire: (huggle)
You are my adversary, but not my enemy. Your resistance gives me strength. Your will gives me courage. Your spirit ennobles me. And although I aim to defeat you, should I succeed I will not humiliate you. Instead, I will honor you. For without you I am a lesser man.

Hmmm... this touches me...

quote!

Feb. 9th, 2002 04:02 am
silversolitaire: (huggle)
He could look into Peter's wide, accepting eyes and wonder what Peter saw reflected in his and shape himself as he found the answers. That was what life was going to be: a shaping of himself in the mirror of Peter's eyes.
- Gordon Merrick, The Lord Won't Mind, p. 233

"You're not true. I've measured everything, but there's so much more. You go on and on and on. I'll never get the end of you. I'm going to try, darling. Just give me a lifetime to try."
- Charlie to Peter in Gordon Merrick, The Lord Won't Mind, p. 255
silversolitaire: (thoughtful)
"I am not what I am, but what I see when I am reflected in your eyes..."
silversolitaire: (LOL)
He: You know, you look a lot cuter when you take off your glasses.
She: You look a lot cuter too when I take off my glasses.
silversolitaire: (Default)
Honoured Author,
Who art ingenius,
Legal be thy claim.
Thy characters,
Thy situations,
Are yours and assuredly not ours.
Lend us this day your creations,
And forgive us our perversities,
As we shape them to the whims of our own strange muses.
And lead us not into litigation,
As no money have we made here,
For thine is the copyright,
The talent and the legal right,
For ever and ever,
Amen.
silversolitaire: (thoughtful)
Right now, I'm reading "The Lord Won't Mind" by Gordon Merrick. Had it sitting on my shelf for forever, never got around reading it. I like it. I mean, I'm not very much convinced about the story and the author tends to have a weird choice of words at times, but it's nicely written and there are a couple of really sweet scenes. What bugs me is the speed with which the story develops. They meet and the same day, just a few hours later, they're already in bed together and vowing everlasting love. Well, I guess that happens, but it always kinda has the taste of improbability.

Last night, I bawled my eyes out over a scene that actually should have annoyed the fuck out of me. But it still made me cry. You see, there're the two main characters, Charlie and Peter. Charlie is an incredibly handsome young man in the NY area of America in the 40s. He's very good at everything he does, is a very good artist, a great actor, wealthy, popular, excellent sportsman. He's got everything. And a loving grandmother to boot who's doing everything to make his life more comfortable. So it happens that she invites a young man over to her house for the summer for Charlie to spend some time with. First, Charlie is disgusted at the idea, because he thinks Peter is way too young for him, being 18 whereas he is 22.

Well, it just so happens that Peter turns out to be 20 (which makes aaaall the difference for Charlie) and is just as handsome. As a matter of fact, he's the spitting image of Charlie. Charlie's immediately interested and tries his best to seduce Peter. And succeeds.

This is how the story sets out and it seems as if it's a lovely lovestory and nothing else. But it soon becomes clear that their love is bound to go terribly wrong, because Charlie absolutely refuses to admit that he might be gay. To him, it's only a phase and he plans to get married sooner or later and then leave his past behind. Peter, on the other hand, is terribly in love with Charlie from the start and vows to be there for him forever.

They even move in together, a Peter turns into the perfect housewife, doing everything to make Charlie's life better. And Charlie is happy, but being the moron he is, he doesn't realize that. He begins pursuing his acting career, another thing he has to do secretly because his grandmother's love is crushing him to the extent that he has to do everything he does in the closet. No wonder he turned out the way he did! Charlie meets a girl and begins seeing her more often, not realizing how much it hurts Peter.

[Do not read on if you don't want to get spoiled. Well, not terribly spoiled, but a good deal of the plot will be revealed. Waffling ensues.]

It really annoyed me how Charlie could be so terribly selfish and blind. It is obvious to the reader and everyone else that Charlie really should be with Peter. Granted, he probably is bisexual since he does like girls, but he likes boys just so much better. Peter, however, is completely gay and he knows it. Every time he tries to develop some sort of gay mannerism, Charlie tells him off, calling him a queen and what have you.

C.B., Charlie's grandmother, is terribly sweet and nice and she just. Creeps. Me. Out. The controls Charlie completely. He's so scared to upset her that he's willing to give up everything. And she knows it. Does she ever know it. She tricks Peter into admitting that he's in love with Charlie which leads to her kicking out Peter and telling Charlie everything about it. Charlie then gets infuriated with Peter, thinking that he jeopardized everything on purpose. Having to choose between C.B.'s support and Peter's love, he glady chooses C.B.

The scene when Peter leaves their appartment just broke my heart. Peter was still so willing to do everything for Charlie, even when his own heart was being crushed to pieces. He first refused to leave but when Charlie began to cry, he agreed on it, always intent on doing what is best for Charlie. I just cried so hard when I should have been really pissed. Especially since Peter has nothing. Nothing at all. He knows he'll be out on the street and Charlie doesn't care. Or so he says.

Charlie immediately runs of to marry that stupid girl, Hattie. Mostly because he's mortally afraid to be alone in the appartment. He really goes right out and has her move in. We don't hear anything from Peter for a while. When we see Peter again, he's a sorta rentboy. He doesn't take money, but lets men pay for him in exchange for sex. He's become quite famous actually. They call him the Growler, because Peter has this thing for growling when he's ready to go to bed with someone. Charlie is shaken to the core, seeing Peter like that. Especially since he's adapted a somehow queer habit, something which always had freaked the hell out of Charlie.

I haven't read further yet, but I'm almost through. I really wonder how the story will end. Knowing Peter, he will rush right back into Charlie's arms as soon as he calls him back. That's so pathetic. I just can't understand a love like that. Peter has absolutely no pride at all. Everything he does is only set out to have some kind of effect on Charlie. Of course, a lot is just show. His being a rentboy. He just does it to numb the pain of being so cruelly kicked away by the one he wanted to stay with forever. And yet... all the while, he never really lets go, always keeps wanting Charlie.

Of course, it somehow touches my heart to see someone love to unconditionally. But it also scares me. Then again... if he could make Charlie understand, if Charlie really was there for him, it could be glorious. But will it ever happen? I don't know...

There are two more books after this one, so I'm sure they'll end up together, but I guess it'll always be a neverending up and down. Both of them are so sexual. Charlie is chronically unfaithful and Peter, deep inside, is a liar. He always says things like "You know you're the only one", "I'm yours forever" and yet he goes right out and acts against it. He does that with one lover who really wanted to there for him. Granted, he might have been that way because it wasn't Charlie, his "true" love, and yet... I don't know. It seemed so terribly insincere.

What I like is the way Peter transforms from a brainless sheep into a sexy fox. Before Charlie left him, he was the perfect housewife, doing everything to please Charlie, taking every shit from him, never complaining. After that, he fully explored his sexuality and became an independent person, self-assured and confident. That was cool. Even though I somehow know he's going to throw it all over board should Charlie show an inkling of interest. T_T

The book is very sexual. Amazingly explicit. It's rather refreshing to read that for a chance... *smiles* But the language becomes kinda dull after a while. Guess that's because it's only meant to indicate what is happening right now and not be beautiful about it.

Well... hope the ending won't annoy me terribly.
silversolitaire: (Default)
Random idiot: r u really gay?
Me: Uhm yeah...
Random idiot: u mean, u like girlz.
Me: Yeah.
Random idiot: r u bi?
Me: *fumes* No, I'm gay, didn't I just say that?
Random idiot: ur nasta.
Me: ???
Random idiot: I just think its sick that I like the same sex as u.
Me: Well, you're welcome to like guys! XD
Random idiot: this is nasta.
Me: You're a homophobe.
Random idiot: No, Im not I like girlz!!! Im STRAIT!!!!!!

...

*shoots random idiot*
silversolitaire: (LOL)
HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!

Rupert Everett, taking the questionnaire from the audience whether they enjoyed the evening in the Robbie Williams concert live at the Albert Hall:

"Don't you think, Mr Williams looks fucking gorgeous in his tux???"

"Would you, despite the preference of sex you came here with this evening get on all fours and get royally shagged by Mr. Robbie Williams????"

HAHAHAH

Plus, I got confirmed once more. When Rob and Johnny performed the song live, Rob said to Johnny, "Closer than Johnny to confessing he's gay."

*chuckle*
silversolitaire: (Default)
yes! I just love it when he straddles his hips to beat him in the face! hahaha
XD isn't that just so perverse?
no, kinky! heheh
;) same thing
no, a feather is kinky, using the whole chicken is perverse! ^_~
^_~ anything is perverse if you put your mind to it
the missionary too? apart from the name, I mean.
yep ^_^
my world is shattered... it's all perverse!
^_~ a lot more fun too
silversolitaire: (tongues)
This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotations from George Bush,
Jr. These have been arranged, only for aesthetic purposes, by
Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. Too good not to share,
especially during National Poetry Month.

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George Bush, Jr.


I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

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