Jan. 18th, 2008

silversolitaire: (JB mirror)
There's one thing that's very weird about me. Well, more than one thing, but I'm thinking about one in particular right now. It's the fact that I get extremely, hugely excited over things, looking forward for them for days, weeks, months, and then when it's finally there I savor it and soak it up and am totally happy... and then it just goes poof. I hate that very much. The height from which I plummet every fucking time something is nice. Just once I wish I could ride on the high just a little bit longer.

Naturally, I was hugely excited about Torchwood. I mean, I've been waiting for this moment for an entire year, basically. And I was full of hope and dreams, I had confidence in it being awesome. I didn't fear they'd sink my ship. I didn't fear canon would start sucking. I was just looking forward to it. Then the episode aired yesterday and I couldn't watch it right away of course since I'd made the deal to watch it with Kris. I agonized all night over it, hardly getting any sleep.

Then finally, in the evening, I got to watch it. And it was awesome! It was... let's say a 8 out of 10, at least. It probably would have been a 9 if we had gotten some Jack/Ianto snogging right away and a 10 if they had dealt with Jack's return properly and a bit more emotionally other than Gwen bitching him out. But it was fine, really! I was squeey and happy and excited... and then it just evaporated :(.

Now I'm sitting here, feeling empty. This sucks. I should be all happy, shouldn't I. The series isn't even over yet. Still tons of eps to look forward to. And yet... blankness. Also, I find myself get annoyed with everyone in a way. See, I'm a tolerant shipper. Or no, I'm not, but it's something TW has taught me, really. You can ship anyone, they're all possible in a way, and no ship is worth more than the other. I've learnt to tolerate that. Other ships are no threat for mine and it's nice to see them coexist.

However, I notice this annoying tendency of TW ships putting down other ships. I guess it's because Jack/Ianto is relatively popular it gets the brunt of that, but it annoys me. People going to great lengths to explain why Ianto is so horrible and why he should never have remained on the team, how Jack can't possibly care for Ianto and it's obviously just sex, if at all, since it's not really all that clear blablabla. Heard all the shit. And now? Now they're all putting down the "ask for date" scene of course.

Clearly, since the scene was followed that Jack/Gwen scene it must be that Jack is only rebounding! Right? Grrrrr! It annoys the hell out of me. I'm willing to accept that the scene was very J/G shippy and I don't mind. I never want TW to become the Jack/Ianto Loveboat where they live happily ever after. I'd probably lose interest in no time since I hardly ever ship the canon m/m couples for some weird reason. So I'm cool with it. You can interpret it any way you like.

Even though I will admit that I thought it was a bit OOC for Jack to suddenly throw a hissyfit at Gwen's engagement ring. I mean, in series 1 we've always been shown how Jack thought it was important that Gwen remains in her relationship with Rhys, have a life outside of TW etc. So why would he suddenly mind? And what the fuck was that with "Cause no one else will have me"?? Gwen isn't that bad a catch! So, I do have my qualms with it... BUT! I accept that Jack cares deeply for Gwen. No problems there!

So why oh why do people need to spin this in such a direction? Can't we just coexist happily next to each other please? *sighs* So yeah, that frustrated me. Annoyed me. Did anyone say "Oh yeah, clearly Jack was so shaken during the ring scene because he'd just seen Ianto earlier and remembered how it was to be separated from him!" or stuff like that? No! Very annoying.

Okay, but that's just a detail. An annoying one, but still. One thing that comes with age is the tranquility to just step way from fandom crap like that (although I do feel the need to choke a couple of bitches on the JB-ML occasionally).

Another thing that pissed me off were people discussing on another ML whether one should read fics by non-native speakers. The way they were talking about it made it sound like those people write poorly per default. Funny, the most atrocious fics I've read were written by native speakers, but wha'ever. Annoying people.

Okay, I think I've just ranted myself empty. Now only the pain remains in just about every limb I own. And there's really nothing I can do since I shouldn't overdo it on the medication. So, I just need to suck it, I suppose. Blah.

I'm also feeling extremely guilty for not having all of Collateral all perfectly ready by now. I really tried, but the illness in between just really didn't help and now I feel like a traitor and a loser, making everyone hate me and lose all faith in WIPs forever. I know I'm dramatizing here, but I can't help it. And at the same time, I'm trying so hard and yet I just can't manage that amazing leap of sudden story finishing, you know? Very frustrating. I just hope people won't be too upset with me. I'm really trying.

Of course it didn't help either that I was watching TW and basically went D:!!!! the entire time since one by one things I've put into my fic popped up there. I mean of course I was there first and this is exactly why I made it a point to post before it airs because I know myself. Right now, I'm feeling utterly demoralized and uncreative. Like I can't come up with a single creative idea of my own apparently. I'm spending months agonizing over plot ideas and twists and then it becomes canon within 45 mins. So frustrating...

Oh, the pain...

Ending on a completely different note... today at the kiosk the person restocking the shelves had sorted all the candy by rainbow. That made my heart laugh a little bit...

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