silversolitaire: (silly)
[personal profile] silversolitaire
To all you dieting folks out there!

Dear Carbs,

I miss you so much. It's only been a week but I just can't get you out of my mind. Fruits and vegetables are boring. Who wants to eat a parsnip? Nobody. Mashed potatoes, biscuits, lasagne (sp?)! Mmmm. Oh man, I've got to stop thinking about you. I'll go crazy!!! I promise I'll be back after my high school reunion.

Yours,
Bob

P.S.: I love you!




Dear Fruits,

It's killing me that I have to eat five servings of you every day. Pears are so gross. Stupid guys who made that food pyramid. I bet they think they're so smart. I'd like to shove a pear up their butts. Now I know why there's Starburst and Jew Jew Bees (sp?). It's because you're not good enough the way you are. I wish Frankenberry cereal was considered a fruit. Then at least I'd have a puzzle or a maze to complete while I ate you.

Whatever,
Bob




Dear Vegetables,

Now I know why braindead people are named after you and not rocks. At least rocks don't taste like DESPAIR. You know why broccoli is shaped like a cartoon fart? Because it smells like something that came out of Andy Capp's ass. Yeah, take a look at yourself, you poor excuse of a nourishment. Look at an onion. It makes you cry. And then you have to put something else into your mouth so your wife won't run away screaming! Stupid! Wheat grass? Feet grass! FUCK YOU!!!!

Bob


From here. Although the rest isn't really that funny. I just felt like quoting this bit because I can totally relate. Well, I do like vegetables, and onions too, but broccoli is gross and sometimes veggies really do taste a bit like despair... *g*

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silversolitaire

February 2009

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